gotta admit...

this year has been a very hectic one... filled with lots of drama...and laughs... but most importantly ---> life lessons....

Jan-March was stuck in National Service (Kumpulan 1/ Siri 4 Kem Sri Ledang, Tangkak, Johor). i think i was lucky to be in that camp. situated in a beautiful forest reserve of the mythical Gunung Ledang and was able to meet so many different people. i learnt more about handling people, adapting to current situations, different culture and religion, lots of dance and singing, and i was able to do loads of charity work. during this time, i really learnt to rely on the Bible for strength and comfort. i miss my friends... i miss the crazy daily routine... i miss the horrible food! hahahah! i miss being sun burnt and groaning in body aches and blisters.

March-May got back to KK and started having fun by joining Starbucks in Centre Point. it was great fun... learnt so much about one of my favourite beverages! heheh! made interesting friends and... fell even more in love wit coffeine~!

May-now.... college life is sooo much more than wad i thought it should have been! hahah! i dun remember dreaming of running around with loads of assignment due at the same week, presentations, meetings to attend and lead, events to organise, tests to prepare... gosh... the list goes ever on..... girl-fights, draaamaaaaa and way tooo much driving... i want more free time! i want less driving time! arghh! accidently fell-in-love, had two car accidents, attended youth rally(KK) and youth camp(KL), family xmas dinner and friend's xmas BBQ party, completed most of my work with my parent's company, and finally! i'm a proud tuition teacher! LOVE my smart lil monsters! hahah!

RESOLUTION?

• more time for God. i'm reli gonna have to work on this bit!
• less shopping *coughcoughvomitcough*
• quit singing ala 'syok sendiri' style in the car ... with hands waving and head bobbing to the tune~
• more ME time! a gurl HAS to pamper herself!
• less outing with yamcha buddies ... OUCHIES! HOW?!
• cut down on expenses... but i need to go shopping la...
• be punctual fer classes
• try not to terrorize the safe *coughslowcough* local drivers

give You praise!

14th - 17th Dec 07

Transform Us : FBC 2007 Youth Camp

it was alot more relax-ing than last year... alot more free time...and alot MORE friends! wahahah! it was really great being able to attend worship with youth (in english! THANK GOD! ) , getting to know more about Christ through fellowship, have meals with cousins and old friends, and making new ones.

the worship sessions were really good...the talks and workshops were even better... attended the the workshop held by Trishia http://www.egalitaria.wordpress.com/ on Christians in politics. an eye-opener... and i was amazed at what we are actually able to do, even if we're not adults just yet.

able to have LOADS of fun with my two luvly gurlfrens - Sara n Eunice! along with the other youth i grew up with... some which no longer are youths but... i think they're in denial but i'm cool with that~ hahaha!





Left to Rgiht : 1. there i was sharing...panic panic...

2. me, joshua and kenneth fooling around

3. group pic! niceee shirt! *ahem! cute butts!*

4. Benjamin's electrifying hair-do! Zhen and me!

5. Fong-Lee-Chan clan VS. the...the... i'll get back to that! clan!

6. the fastest human wheelbarrow! me and Joanna!

7.Moses the sandy merman! gonna be hit with more sand by Ian! Eunice RUN!

8. JOSHUA! eh! not you! yes YOU! omg...they're ALL joshuas.....gasps!

updownleftrightsidetoside

i never thought i would be this cowardly. i went with the plan till the very end. but i just didn't add the full stop sign ( . )

what a friend said was true... if i don't ask, i'll probably regret it on the flight back home to KL... i did. wad an utter fool i felt.

but then again, what if the plan went wrong? wad if i did add that full stop by asking the ultimate question nagging me? wad if it isnt the answer i wanted? it might have ruined my short holiday here.

i'm slowly killing myself by jumping to and fro.... i thought i made a promise to not get distracted while in diploma... who am i kidding? haha~ its time to hit the books hard....but not just yet!

i'm HOME! i'm in KayL! gonna go fer youth camp! woOt~ miss those back in KK... odd to admit but yeah... supposed to have light dinner with olivia, hin and kokseng before my departure but we were both late so... they just sent me off. which was fun enuff la. hahah~

benjamin goin to thailand is an absolute ... arghhhhh! WHY?! ....spoil of plans! and how can u NOT noe the way to KL sentral or LCCT !? O.O'' armoizeng...

evevee

i've made it! i've completed assignments! tests! presentation! debate! and ... two more tasks to go... BUT! i believe i can do it! i'm going to set all the plans and instructions down for my committee to do! and hopefully, while i'm off holiday-ing, nothing wrong will happen! hehehe! o gosh... lemme tell u abt my debate. it was the most hilarious debate i've ever seen or participated. there was alliances forged and information swappings and finally, loads of giggling and laughing. POI's were mostly planned and a few were just for the heck of asking the opposing team to repeat their statement and questions... we should have enrolled into drama school. the comments we got from the lecturer? " not serious, too much laughing, not organized..." cant wait to go fer youth camp! woOt~! i wanna meet my dear grandpa+ma! sisters! aunties uncles cousins .... friends! yeshhhhhhh~ muahx!

mumboe

for the past two months, i've been going out with friends on a regular basis to play badminton....its a good opportunity to exercise as well as have fellowship with them outside of college. keeps my mind off alot of things and... jsut sweat it out! wooOt~



i lost the whole file of notes and tutorials for QS n Macro! argh.... how heart wrenching! if it has been taken by someone, CURSESSSSS! if i lost it, omgosh! how blardy careless...



u noe , there are things u just dont wanna think abt now. but u just KNOW its gonna happen? like the death of a loved one, or...someone really close to you going off to a foreign country? it makes u reli reli sad so u just refuse to think abt it .... well, until it comes knocking at ur door. then ur forced to face it then and now.

gosh... time is running out! he's leaving soon. i wanna spend more and more time with him. i dun want things to change. how childish and idealistic Kai n I were back then... to think and dream that we could always grow up together, graduate from high skewl, go to the same college and uni. gosh... we even thought of living in the same apartment! argh... but going back to KL during the hols, meeting up are always great...even though its always for a lil while. but! watching a movie together sucks big time. three hours worth of yakking is wasted. we cud talk for hours...no...days...omg...we've been talking fer years... and never been tired of it. but sitting quietly and enjoying each other's company is pretty good as well... LOL.

i should be soooo guilty ridden right now. but i'm not! muahahah! i've set Saturday as an official gurl's day out! but, the presence of our guy friends are always negotiable. hahah~ so... last week and this week's shopping includes ...! ;P

1. faded stretchy light blue jeans
2. dark blue denim jeans
3. red v-neck top
4. black v-neck top
5. black and white high heels
6. red polkadot purse
7. red jacket
8. white silk baby-doll top
9. registered as a Body Shop member (East Msia) *finally they have a member's card! instead of telling u off politely that they accept west msian member cards! #$^$%^$%&*
10. loads of Starbucks wif my dahrlings~
11. watched Enchanted~ doesn't James Marsden and Mcdreamy make u drool?*
12. .... omg.... do i hv to tell u abt the accessories? yes... i'm still as mad as a fanatic should/can/want to be. heheh!

when the credit card statement arrives... i'm officially off to the slaughter house. but hey! i did exercise moderation! i made sure it was on sale~ heheheheh! oh~ daddy finally thinks i'm ready to drive the other cars for good! not that i dun drive the other cars but... i dun drive them all the time! but ... waaahahahaha! i can do as i please after i find sumone to sell my car off! *smiles the most evilly happy smile and occassionally giggles*

two more weeks!

i'm BUSY. so very very BUSY. just for this two weeks. then... i'll be in KL HOLIDAY-ing! i've got to get everything before the 13th! means... a whole month worth of assignments, group projects, tests, presentation and two club (English Language Society n Christian Fellowship) events to complete organizing. SIGHS! so much to do!

going back to KL for youth camp! woOt! i feel so excited! gosh! finally, i can reli relive the fun and complete joy to worship with my bro n sis in Christ! i miss the fellowship and the feeling of being united by faith n the love of God. i wanna be the cup once again. to be filled up. again and again... i miss grandma and grandpa! and my two lovely elder sisters! sighs... my darling friends as well... HUGS!

a shell of what i used to be

it was a mistake right from the start to fall in love with you.

i shud've run the minute i acknowledged it.

i thought i could make it right.

i guess i'm wrong.

i give up.

now i'll leave it to fate.

i'll wait and see what you will do.

in the mean time, i'll bury myself in books .

knowing you, i know its near impossible for you to make the first move.

i regret rejecting the others for you, shouldn't have wasted my time.

i feel like i've wasted opportunities and probably missed the better guy.

i'm left with only a shell of what i used to be. i miss d old me- never take 'no' for an answer and i-dun-like-so-eff-off attitude. i'll probably be orite now if i didnt tone it down...

on the verge

its amazing.....

...how i fell in love with him.

..that we were an item, even if it was just for a while.

..he became one of the most important people in my life.

..both of us thought it'll last forever.

..he should be suspicious of me cheating on him in NS

..i was the one who always had to give in.

..you didnt want to let me go when i decided the relationship is over.

..i survived the break up without going absolutely crazy...

and its even more amazing that... we're still great friends after it all. i'm glad i'm moving on with life. i was stuck in between worlds... now i've found my way back. encouraging me to love once again shows you still care as a genuine friend. we've come a long way...

its starting all over again. when i thought, "things are settling just great now. i can live a normal college life - study, sports, friends, date and a part-time job" . sadly, i'm unlike other people, need to rush to the office, meet clients and other company obligations. but right now, as more problems emerge ... i've decided to take it all on and solve it. putting all others at hold.

maybe after that, i'll be free to be who i want to be, and how i want to live my life. but right now, i'll bear with the responsibilities and stress. in three years, i hope it'll finally be over. to be able to walk out that door. to see the sunlight and not regret being in the darkness.

quote from Ben's favourite author : "i have loved, and have been loved, in the end, that's all that matters."

surprise OLIVIA

OLIVIAAA.... OLIVIAAAA..... OLIVIA!
*door slowly opens and her face in shock*

....*zavier strums the guitar*

happy burfday to u,

happy burfday to u

happy burfday to OLIVIA~!

happy burfday to you....

*tears in her eyes as she turns to walk up the stairs* whhhhat?!

" oui... oui! let us in la!"
" oh! oh yea~!"

after rushing to town n back for the Secret Recipe oreo cake, getting wet under the rain, calling frens to discuss whereabouts and waiting in the car with our group of buddies outside Olivia's house for nearly half an hour... i'm reli glad we were able to give her a surprise party! hehehe!

it was reli funny how all of us college mates gathered, calling out n singing outside her house at eleven thirty pm. it was worth it la. those who cudnt make it, they called and sms-ed. Olivia was befuddled at first ater numerous attempts on blowing out the candles. hahah! in the end, we took chopsticks to pick out the candles but... i sucked at using it. hehehe! so Zavier picked em out! woot! hahah! nineteen candles! heehhe!

her mom prepared an awesome shepherd's pie! hehehe! oh! her family is such a sport to play along the charade! they made her life hell this few days and ta-da! after lotsa of talking, we gave her our present - Vincci shoes! hahaha! it was a difficult gift to find but WE DID IT! nyahaha! hours of shopping with her in the past did not fail me! and lots of listening in the past did not fail frens like evelyn,zavier and kokseng, who helped LOADS to make this surprise party sucha success~ we spent the rest of the night playing twister and other twisted lil games. hahaha

for more pictures - http://www.flickr.com/photos/charlerk

dare i?

i guess apart from growing up with Buddhist parents, i also grew up with major influence from Christian relatives. not only that, i have atheist friends. and because of that, i owe open-minded character to that. i believe in YinYang, karma and Murphy's Law. when there is a loser, there will be a winner. what you give is what you get. what you want isn't necessarily what u get.

talking to two of my friends just now made me think

- am i wasting my time?

investing my feelings on the wrong guy?

sadly, i think so. i feel sorry and guilty for the guys i rejected. i thought it would be better if i didn't lead them on an empty chase. i'm glad i did... cuz i'm still stuck on the same guy.

i'm the one bitterly regretting. why can't i be like the others? just accept the others while waiting for this guy? wouldn't that save me the heartache i'm going through now? yea ... it would.

honestly, i'm tired of this. i wish i had the bravery of Olivia. she dared to ask the guy for his answer on a relationship. she took the risk... of blowing off the friendship for sumthing better. dare i? i daren't... maybe i'm not used to that part. i'm the one who gets asked... does he know? i dont know...

yep uh huh

losing a pencil is nothing. losing a dime causes me a slight shrug. losing a fight makes me grumble. losing a fren makes me a tad irritated.but losing a best friend.... well, it makes me utterly depressed?


i knew he was going to leave for overseas one day or another but... i just refused to think about it back then. always telling myself : hey! lotsa time!


now he's talking about it. leaving in August if everything goes as planned. theres an lil devil in me which hopes that it doesnt work out and he'll be stick here. but sadly, i'm not evil enuff to reli pray and make it so. thinking about it... i wish him the best. i hope and pray with most of my heart that he'll be able to go to the states. knowing that it'll b loads better ...loads happier... yea, you deserve it,Ben :)


i guess i'm used to it. always hoping for the best for others. some people think i'm carefree and brought up this way. maybe i am but... thinking back when i was small, my parents never thought me to be this way. to stop and listen.then to care about them... in fact - i was brought up to be tough. sadly, i never was huh, Ben? i guess only the few ppl who ever saw the soft side of me are... well...but a few~

rectangular plastic n blood pumping organ

so much to do, so little time.
gonna split the burden with the other course rep.
its suppose to be my turn ,but i reli cant cope.

i hope i'm allowed to fire the secretary.

i'm not talking about the one in my parent's company.

its the one in the college club that i'm leading in.

this isn't the right time to fall in love.
its a killer...semester two, i mean.
no additional stress wanted.

i need to go shopping...

to shop alone is bliss...

but i am hardly EVER given that priviledge.

oh! i finally got my credit card! woot~!
but oddly, i feel oh-so-stingy with spending than before!
surprise surprise! i've not spent more than rm200 on it yet... wow...

turned back!

the glass is... upside down? ...empty? right? ...

i think i've sorted alot of things out already.

it's crazy that i had never really sorted it properly till now.

now that its done, i feel alot better.

it's time to appreciate the more important and serious things in life.

like...serious education, healthy living, planned future and darn good friends.

time to sink into the plans of me being the future of my dad's company.

what's next? getting a boy-toy while waiting fer the right one as husband.

WHO AM I KIDDING!? gosh... do u seriously think i would reli do that?! hmm... i might do it. but its near impossible for me to stick wit it. HAHAH~ dun worry. i'm on track! not gonna go wild anytime soon! hahah!

Goodbye, my almost lover

Goodbye, my hopeless dream

I'm trying not to think about you

Can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance

My back is turned on you

I should've known

you'd bring me heartache

Almost lovers always do

sighz~

"i'm a house of cards in a hurricane." - Backstreet Boys

oddly, i'm not falling fast and hard for this guy like i thot i wud. its reli gradual and i'm learning new things about him everyday. its alredy hard enuff to talk to him. never is serious!

hmm... english class was reli amusing today. we drew lots to determine who we were up against and when we were to debate. i was the one representing my group to draw lots and... unfortunately, got the one team that i DONOT want to go against! firstly its because, all three of them are good friends. which i have no ability to go all cold and haughty to my opponents. haha! and Prinz being the cheeky one claimed it will be an easy win. gah~

laughing non-stop and retorting wit our lecturer, class was reli enjoyable. from laughing at " no pork! no pork!" comments to recalling experience that a gurlfren had to wash her BF's fren's laundry and keeping a baboon for a pet~ horribly good laugh.

driving the Mercedez Benz to skewl is undoubtly cool but trust me! i keep worrying if i'd scratch it or i'd forget to lock the doors. haha!

not hard enuff

i had major fun taking care of the English Language Society's booth on parent-lecturer's day with most of my ELS members. had it decorated with posters,pictures and paperstars! but! the hilarious part was, there was more of interaction between students rather than with the parents. obviously, the main point was missed! who cares? not we! we played scrabble and undertook dares... it was fun... reli. two hours non-stop.

bummmer~the guy is SERIOUSLY playing hard-to-get or is PATHETICALLY stoopid. i'd rather label him the first one, but am beginning to think he is reli lacking the IQ. if i'm still wrong in that... he's a pretty good actor.

i'm getting sick of being course rep. the post is definitely up-for-grabs. i have no time for it. no mood too. imagine, i hv problems managing MY OWN time and notes, and u want me to do it for others!? thats like asking a rat to share a small cheese with its clan. wont work well...*squeecks!*

many of my frens were rather sweet. offered to carry my stuff and asking if i was orite. the cheeky few wud say : " omg...lorry! and ur still here ah? didnt bang hard enuff ah?"

proud again! will i get tired of saying that? hahah~ prob not! but... CONGRATULATIONS BENJAMIN/KAI! scoring ANOTHER near perfect score in ur impromptu speeeech! argh! so jealous bro! but damn proud of u still... hey, i can harbour both emotions at the same time, no? ;P keep it up!

shoulder not in socket

i was sad.
i was confused.
i was effing frustrated.
i was not in the mood to be nagged.
basically, i was being damn emo....

i was ....."BANG!"

spinning 360 nearly twice... i was soon facing the oncoming traffic of the roundabout... i noticed i was looking at faces who were in shock. and when i tried to hold on to the steering wheel, only my left hand did that...odd? yea... i thot so too. my engine died cuz i didnt step on the clutch, rolling towards the other cars, the lorry driver and his workers held unto my car to avoid me crashing the other cars. it was all a blur and i later saw myself calling mom,dad, and Olivia. as i spoke to them, i was short of breath.. taking it all in small gasps as it was too painful to take deep ones. the pain wasnt too bad after my shoulder was pushed back into its socket. yea... its a new experience eh? a dislocated shoulder and a constricted chest.

the second i saw the lorry coming, i just KNEW i cudnt do anything to avoid it. i felt the impact as i flew forward against my seatbelt, felt a push against my right shoulder as my leg hit against my gears.. it was THAT moment, i thought HELLO HEAVEN! but instead, the door closed right in my face! no angelic faces now... i see faces of loved ones instead. though i was slightly dissappointed of escaping death, i was comforted by those around me. it was then, i realise, maybe death isnt the way to end my miserable life. I thank You, God for sparing my life!

as i got through the medics and police, i got home and just lay in bed, thinking. how much i thought of giving up. of leaving everything behind. i was tired of being pressured to be a top student that i no longer was, tired of people telling me how wonderful a fren i am when all i did was stop to listen for a while, how lucky i am to be this guy's daughter when i had no choice of that matter, how carefree i appear to be and wad a wonderful leader i make. i had to put up a strong and cheerful front and face to the public eye all these years. smile, laugh and entertain everyone. becuz of certain circumstances, i've disregarded my health unconsciously and given up on my love life. the guy i fell in love wit in KL, i've forced myself to give up and forget.

now, i've met another guy right here in college. he's single and available but just when i'm so close to coming clean yesterday... results are back then the accident... and i'm forced to get my prospective in life back in order. now the guy no longer is in that list. its sad that now i know i have to cut back ALOT on my social life to pull my CPGA higher or i wont be graduating soon.

hahah! if only the guy knew... i'll leave it to fate. see if he'll make the first move. like i've sed before, i'm tired of being strong n independent all the time.

sudden curiosity?!

Which Hero Are You?

My Result: Niki Sanders

You know you're one tough cookie. But people really adore you for your soft side. Of course you can take care of yourself, but you also make sure to take care of those around you, and, hey, you always look good doing it!

Take this test >

thx Ben...appreciate it loads... for your opinions back in ur blog . i mean... u noe i reli need straight to the point kinda views. if not i'll torture myself/you/other people with those loose-ends. " wad if? does tht mean..? no...yes...maybe" and Ben? i think its great i hv a old fahioned, retro and classic best fren like u la! hahah! it just might be the best lurve advisor to go to~ haha! i might be laughing but reli, i'm serious. gotta admit... yes, i've only known him for about five months in college... but meeting this guy under various situations made me able to view him in so many angles. not just physically,mind u. hahah! but i'll take ur advise : "if you two are really so meant for each other, MFEO, then why rush?"

with Ben being SUDDENLY hit by this serious urge of curiosity= wanting to know how others perceive him! i mean, i was like : " HEY! i've been trying to write a post like that for years! " but sumhow it just cudnt be materialised in just ONE post. i had several consecutive posts just to sum up wad i wanted to say! and he did it in...two hours?!

it still amazes me... how i am perceived by him (Ben, i mean)

• witty, intellectual, fun, independent, influential, sober and deep, yet look good at the same time

i wud usually agree tht inside the cold hard devilish exterior is reli a warm fuzzy granny. haha! does tht sound bad?

its still very odd to hear people telling you that you're..

• so mature, all rounded (huh? character wise or physically? heehee), understanding, and reliable.

mature?! then u dun reli noe me well, crapping is one of my expertise~ laughing is my precious asset....

wad i've accepted thus far are,

• independent,mature,giggly,talkative,crazy,aunt agony...gosh...

but believe it or not... i'm just not satisfied. i'm happy with the answers i've got. but surprisingly, i'm not content. yes... i still dream of world domination. yes... in my dreams i'm Hitler the 2nd(female version) thank u thank u~ all hail Her!

from one of my smses to an old fren last night ----> " i'm getting tired of being strong and independent all the time..." that was me trying to say, maybe i dun hv to face the world alone all the time

i believe i've come a looong way since high skewl. its been nearly a year. and most of my high school friends have said tht i've changed so much. so yea. i believe that too.

i've broken up with my first serious relationship right after NS. NS itself was sumthing tht made me grow up real fast. i worked in Starbucks and started college. and all the while, i worked for my parent's company. driving also taught me to be more responsible... then i fell in love again. it made me learn sumthing new everyday.

i spoke to a friend just this afternoon... he asked why i was silently loving the guy i fell for in college? i simply replied : i dunno. then he said sumthing like : scared tat u and him won't be as close as before after u tell him tat u like him..or scared that he'll keep his distance? it got me thinking for a while and i agreed to both and added : afraid of him taking it for granted.

first cut is the deepest. now i know. i shudnt have ventured into a relationship so soon. yet i cant help but want to try it out again. will this guy be different? or is he going to be just like the rest? maybe i am the coward for not wanting to tell the guy... maybe i still think its not the gurly thing to do. yet i do believe kai might scoff and think otherwise! haha!

i was hoping sumone wud gimme another kinda answer or solution to my question : wad do i do? it still mine and my move alone to determine things.... the guy seems to know so well tht i'm into him. yet he doesnt want to do anything... continues being the same fella as before. i think i'll walk away really soon. please, please end this madness.... soon.

here's to you!

shouts for JOY! WOoOoT!!!! *party style, please~*

i'm like a proud momma ya'all! hahah! my son has...*coughcoughvomits* oopzie~actually...my best buddy Benjamin/Kai scored near PERFECT scores for his college presentation! SO PROUD OF YOU LA! i've seen and am still convinced of your ability and passion since form 2! i think this is when i can say, I TOLD YOU SO! i told you that u were a gazzilllllion times better than i am! hahaha!

A TOAST TO MARTIN LUTHER KING THE 2ND! *drumrolls plz!* BENJAMIN kAI ~! tis an honour, my fren! Congrats! keep it up yo~!

"they also agree with me that a person that isn't exposed to stress occasionally or on an often basis, might find themselves unable to cope with stress and end up breaking down easily. and apparently, Charlotte Fong Jia Lerk is a Type A person. hehe." -- quoted from kai http://www.my-quietdrive.blogspot.com/

• Type A
  Strongly motivated and driven am i? didn noe...
  like to compete brint it on!
  enjoys power and recognition heheh~ maybe...
  easily angered/motivated to act too true
  efficient and vigorous no lah!
  dislikes wasting time late for class...does tht count?
  easy going people often frustrates them hell yeah! wads wrong wit them!?
  appear self confident but have strong feelings of self doubt. shhh! tis a secret!

its pretty obvious i LURRRVEEE lil tests like these! and i adore the fact tht Ben is studying psychology now! hehehe! i can get all these lil snippets of information without having to study! and at the same time, i get to learn a lil more about myself. calling me a Hitler-wannabe isnt right ler, Ben! its just a dream...which i intend to realize before i'm 40 though... *evil snigger*

new semester~ GO!

new semester just started... and gosh... i shoulder the full weight of the responsibilities of being the course representative! and being the president of English Language Society! ahhhh! i have the two advisors to the club in silent war at each other as well! ohmigosh! i feel like slapping them both and scream GROW UP LA! i have to get the notes, photostat them, and distribute them. figure out when to hold both formal and informal meetings! gah! the list goes on!

and the start of the new semester makes it harder to look at the guy i fell in love with la... hmm... wad do i do? we're still great friends... we can talk and laugh and hang out for hours but i'm really scared if he or sumone else figures it out. it'll be reli embarassing la... i know i've said that i'm in love with another guy in KL for years... but oddly, i feel the same kinda feeling for this two guys in college as well. one is like my best friend while the other is like a kid brother. now, i have three other guys currently waiting on me... sounds crazy but there are people who scream at me to take either one of the three cuz they're offering everything they have. i guess they're right but think abt it, i'll just feel guilty about wastinf their heart n cash sooner or later. i dun think it would be a total waste if it were the three guys i fell for rather than the three that are interested in me. are u lost? yeah... me too~ i'm trying to sort it out as well~ i'll take my time. heheh!

Labuan - not wat i thot

you can choose to read this LOOOONG blog post to know more abt my Labuan(duty free) hols if you're blessed with 25 hours in a day OR i suggest u click the following link to enjoy a pictorial journey instead ;) enjoy!

• http://www.flickr.com/photos/charlerk/sets/72157602277250806/
  

DAY ONE----> i could have died of seasickness..(face turned green). "i'm never going to survive the second trip back on the ship! *SCREAMS*" finally reaching the Labuan International Ferry Terminal... i felt like kissing the cement floor i stood upon! hahaha!

there was this reli kewl christian lady whom we call ching yunjie (as in elder sister ching yun)! she let us stay in her house fer three days and two nights! she has this reli fun and quirky character that i reli wanna get to know her more! but iwas abit shy... hehe! so i let Olivia do all the talking.

i had a wonderful time shopping with Olivia and walking around the lil town! amazingly they have pretty big buildings! hahah! no looking down on 'em no more! met Ronald, Fusion , Jacky and their pastor for dinner! then had an amazing karaoke session wit just Claudia and her sis! hahah! so far so fun! hope it'll be better the next two days here!

day two---->woke up and started the morning walking from one end of the lil town to the other! ouch! i got a BLISTER! argh! bought loads of stuff! aiks... then had lunch with the guys along with Terenz, Sharon and CLaudia. typical KFC moment then we went off to visit Olivia's primary skewl! i didnt join her but went off sightseeing with Terenz n Sharon by car. oO~ pretty place to live la~! visited the Water Sports Centre with loadsa fish! then we had a mini car-race to the bird park. had SO MUCH fun playing with all the birds~ hmm.. i had a sporting n prefessional cameraman too! credits to FUSION!

then the guys went off to play basketball, us gurls went to the beach! woOt! gurls noe how to have serious fun! bought chicken wings and bubu-chacha, ate, bathed and chatted wit Olivia till nine. then i fell asleep till ten when i was woken up to go out 'yam cha' with them again. haha! abit embarrassing that i forgot to get Ronald a card for his birthday, so i wrote a note instead and shared a Tshirt with Olivia. at least he looked surprised and reli appreciative. Happy 19th Bday!

Day 3--->woke up abit late...had to quickly wash up and pack my bag then off to breakfast with another collegemate Esther. she's sumone i meet in school without reli knowing her. but now, with Olivia's extensive connections, i discovered she's a real sweetie. hahah! she brought us to her uncle's shop to buy CHOCOLATES AND BOOZE! DUTY FREEEE + DISCOUNT! swoons in delight! i bought so much chocolates and two bottles of 40% Absolut vodka! i'm going to party hard! muahahah! got on the blasted ferry and forced myself to sleep to avoid seasickness...oddly, i didnt experience the overwhelming sensation anymore! WOOOW! hahah! it wud have been a great trip if it werent for the other passengers who kept whistling, kids kept running about and men who kept laughing. IRRITATING! garrr...

cant stop laughing...

"... the paste which i'm going to apply is actually edible..."

yeaps~ went for a trial mask treatment. and Olivia's mom was reli good at what she does la! and i couldnt stop laughing. i know thats normal but i tried so hard to stop giggling! but the sight of this....

made me laugh like mad.... my collegemate KS was the first to put on the mask made out of sea cucumber,spirulina and cellfood! hahaha! me and Olivia just BURST into laughter! soon the laughing-mania spread to Olivia's mom, lil sister and lil brother! Even funnier was KS trying his best not to laugh while the masking was drying up on his face.

then revenge time! when i had to put on mine~ ohmygosh... i just couldn't stop laughing! it was abit of embarrassment of having green eecky stuff all over ur face and the akwardness of three strangers in the room with us! hahah! they're not strangers la... they were just not reli close... so u'll feel abit shy to look so...*cough* ugly in front of them! hahah!

WAT!? UR KIDDING!?

i've been teaching lil kids for quite some time. i'm not saying that i'm a professional but i believe that when it comes to teaching lil ones---> that person should be genuine, compassionate and darn dedicated WITH CERTAIN QUALIFICATIONS!

kids are known to be really sensitive to what lies deep down in the heart of the adults teaching them. and they innocently pick it up and learn from it. so, if the adult is someone who likes to lie and cheat, well, the kid will see no wrong in following that trait.

this is the reason why i'm writing this post... i just come to know that people WITHOUT decent qualification are employed by international companies in providing quality educational assitance to lil kids... thats just WRONG! i mean, COME ON?! I pay for my lil sister's tuition fee and i dun mind the price as long as i get PROFESSIONAL or at least QUALIFIED guidance for it!

to think that anyone, fresh outta high skewl and WITHOUT EXPERIENCE! and not even attending a teaching seminar, or teaching a class on their own without first having a mentor... is ABSOLUTELY out of question, WRONG! WROOONG!

down memory lane...just for a while

i think i'm falling in love with this place week by week. i'm not going to say day by day, cuz that will be just TOO drama-wama~ heheh! can you believe it? i survived so long in KayKay! haha! the capital of Sabah- Land Below the Wind! here's wad happened so far this year...




Form 5! 2006 ---> i remember the catfights *meoow* , gossips , crazy class antics *singing 'balik kampung' while in add math class* , adrenaline pumping misdemeanour*running out of skewl in the full view of the teachers* and the classical show of competing in examinations all the way till AFTER SPM . heart to heart talk with Ben the whole year thru SPM and the best ,three hour talk in CoffeeBean,KayL. FBC youth camp was fantastic! new year celebration in KayL was just...so touching la... sobz. luv my family n frens back there so much!



National Service (PLKN) 2007----> how i cried on the first night in KEM SRI LEDANG, JOHOR. i knew NO ONE! it was situated at the edge of the forest of gunung Puteri Ledang ... with all that fear, it was so easy for me to turn to my bible for emotional support and i made it a habit to talk to Jesus even more often as i can. i made friends really fast and got into the way of NS life really easily. Thank U, Lord for the blessings U've bestowed and being my walking stick and light upon my path. i've made friends which helped me be the best i can be now, and knowing them is such an honour... love ya'all. i remember being chosen to be on the dancing team with the other eleven- forming Akedemi Sri Ledang(ASL) and loving everyone and everytime we had dance practice for the whole three months! camping in the jungle was super la! lets do it again! and all the charity work? gosh... i miss my group of crazy gurls, and the group of sporty-worms, and most of all, my bro n sisters in Christ! the teachers there were fab too...



Starbucks (Centrepoint) ---> sitting there with my fav cup of coffee and reading TEENmag when my elder sis Mandy dared me to take the ongoing interview of new Baristas for Starbucks on the spot! i shrugged, stood up and did it... totally confident in handling the interview which ended up like old-frens meeting up! chatted and laughed non stop~ and i did it! i won the dare! but... after the call from the store manager confirming my training and job, i began to take the idea of working in KK seriously. honestly, its probably the best three weeks of 2007 (so far la...) and i really am happy with the experience gained and the friends made. to coffee, with love!



'P' driver's license! ----> this is like, ONE STEP CLOSER TO FREEDOM! muahahaha! i just LOVE driving...can u tell? i mean, i've been driving since i was in form 2! i remember the first car i drove was a black cefiro! then a volvo,perdana,volvo and while i lived in KK, a range rover, unser,hilux,royal saloon,vigo, mercedez and my very own wira! kekeke! hoping to upgrade reli soon! hehe!


TARcollege ---> i felt reli out of place among all the lala-fied teens and mandarin-dominated student population. i stuck out like a sore thumb. but i forced myself soooo hard to speak mandarin,then life in college improved so much when classes started. made reli good frens, learnt alot! entertaining lecturers plus.. snooker and gossip buddy, Olivia! my clubbing n music addict partner Evelyn~ thus we formed the C.E.O ... credit goes to our english lecturer Mr.Kenny who uses that abbreviation extensively~ "CEO! you three are late! C! whats your answer? E! stop talking to her! O, what are you doing? sms-ing?" then i'm reli reli glad that my frens brought me back to church... yes, ever since i got back to KK, i sumhow decided to not face the loneliness and awkwardness of making new frens and feeling like an oddball in church so i had an hour of quiet time with God EVERYDAY and had lots of bible studying with my brothers-in-Christ online! its fun actually. now i attend church every Sunday like i used to back in KayL. i feel very very happy coming back to the heart of Worship after all these time. and falling in love all over again... haha! he's sumone well respected, man of few words and very knowledgeable ;) sounds crazy but am trying to forget him cuz its just so not possible. I'M BEING REALISTIC! haha! ask me and i'll tell u y~



so! first term college examinations are over and... the holidays are here! woOt~ but reli... i feel that this isnt reli a holiday, in fact,i'm more busy than when i have college to attend. in the morning, i check on the renovations of the new house, go around town to survey n order supplies, study and determine the interior design of the house, still thinking of the best way to fully utilize the garden... and soon will have to start thinking of the furnitures and decorations. gar... then in the afternoon, i often am left with paperwork in the office but am allowed to use the internet! then on Saturdays, i teach lil kids in a tuition centre. busy bumble bee~

my car blues...

i slept at 4am yesterday... cudnt stop chatting with my friends on MSN and studying on how people actually earn money online. i've heard about it and done it one or twice but... i am a pretty chick. oopz... i mean chicken! i'm absolutely terrified of scams and deepdarkfear of being gunned down by men in black suits with sunglasses. *but they're sooo hot!? swoons*

woke up at eleven in the morning with my lil sister asking if i could send her to skewl so i said yea.. orites. after a bath, i sms-ed my fren while waiting for my mom to get ready to go to the bank. i sent my lil sister with the Toyota Hilux and told my mom, "er.. need to refill la... tank gonna b empty liao~ y korkor dun refill?"

there i was, sitting in the car while my mom was fiddling with the machine n her cards... i sms-ed *omg..isnt that illegal!? shh!* and then i hopped out to help but my mom had already started the pump. so i shrugged and continued sms-ing. i drove towards the highway when... *KLUnK* the engine just died in the middle of the road! my mom shoook her head "i think you still need more practice with a manual car.. tsk tsk!" i tried to start the engine again and said " please la!~ i CAN drive this car without any problems at all!" STILL! the engine would not start! then my mom made a sound and looked at her. " i put in PETROL instead of DIESEL! OMG! I FORGOT! SEI LA SEI LA! lei ge daddy sat ngo lo! *die la die la! your daddy gonna kill me"*

perfect~ we sat there until my stepbrother and the mechanic to save us in the middle of the highway, causing massive traffic jam. o wells~ at least i get to skip on alot of work then eh?

got home and chatted with a collegemate whom i hardly get the chance to speak to. it turned out not as i expected. :) it was a very good chat. showed alot of character and ... understanding. i see a different side of that person. NO BENJAMIN! its not that same person! NO!

wad i'll do this hols

NO MORE PENCILS, NO MORE BOOKS!

NO MORE TEACHERS BORING LOOKS!

hahaha! thats really how i kept singing after the exams in my evil lil head! FREEEDOOOM! right after the last EXAM paper, we took off to ASIA CITY to skate~ on the way to town, it started raining so very heavily! so i was forced to slow down with all my gurlfrens shireking at me to slow down. *grumbles* i saw the guy i really like at the rink and well, yeah, i become a tad reluctant to go skating then. lots of collegemates started persuading and i was like, " ah! why?! lazy la.. ah...okie la! u pay! hehe"

about half an hour of having friends struggling around in their skates and constant shireking, most of us were happily zipping around the rink. then my eldest sister sms-ed me saying my grandpa is coming down from my dad's farm and wants dinner together! argh.... i had to leave with Olivia. am glad Olivia had enuff of skating already if not i'll feel really bad in cutting her fun short. hehe! my grandfather is just sooo in love with my dad's farm! hahah! he was so excited before going there and now that he's back, he's so dead tired but always all smiles! hahah! he wasnt able to take any pictures cuz he forgot to set the camera to automatic mode instead of taking short video clips! so he had loads of short video clips! hahahahha!

being the project manager, for the new house which dad just bought, is not as easy! argh! i've got to wake up every morning to start the day by opening the balance of the supplies, supervise the workers at the start of the day, contact suppliers and restock. then there is the office which i work as a temporary secretary for my parent's company in the afternoon. and finally, on saturdays, i have my favourite job of the three jobs! TUTORING! lil kids! heheh! well, i'm not stating how much i earn from the three jobs but for honest hardwork, heck! i'm underpaid! yet, its better than not being paid la... HAHAHAH! its enough for me to pay for college life on my own. so yea... i'm grateful for now. hehehe.

what do i do? it sounds crazy... i fell in love with this guy(A) in college. we're nothing but really good friends. not that its bad or anything, but i cant help but feel so sad that A will always treat me as a good fren or 'little sister'. then the other guys who i'm not interested in will move in and stress me out--> telling me how much more better they are than A. sounds petty but after a while, i really can see what they're offerring is so much better than what i'm getting from A. i'm getting so little from A, yet the others have been giving me constant emotional support, driving me around, taking me out for retail therapy, spoiling me rotten with music and endless chit-chatting in the night. i had quite a few sensational dates already... *sighs* life, ur such a bitch, arent u?

out of the blue, some of the guys whom i became very close over the months in national service and from college, they started trying to cross the line between frens to more-than-frens. then two more guys from my high skewl life came back into the present... both claiming they never really let me go. i mean, come on la! u dun expect me to believe that, would u? CANT U MALES BE SATISFIED WITH A PLATONIC RELATIONSHIP WITH A FEMALE?!

i really care deeply about these guys. and i admit, i'm so tempted to accept the offer from only two of them. i really see the sacrifices both of them have made and i'm so touched. *heart melts* but i'm still going to try and work it out first...

as for the others, cant we just be chummy pals we once were before all this hu-ha came about? muahx.

meh?

my eldest sister and grandfather came over from KL to visit! gosh.. missed them loads la~ luv them to bits! haha! wanted to have lunch with them but i had to go for my tutoring job~ darnit!

now i'm suppose to be studying Business Statistics for my exam tomoro afternoon! argh! i'm not ready yet! i dun think i ever will be ready for an exam actually... heheh!

oh! i went to the annual MidAutumn Festival which is located at FohSang, the chinatown of KK. hahah! it looked exactly like Petaling Street! red lanterns and stalls along the road... was accompanied by college buddy, KS. he's simply the most hilarious fello i've ever met. now, being hilarious does not mean he's a complete idiot. he proved to be very knowledgeable and had quite a compassionate heart. i think that is what most guys lack these days. hahah! i wanted to buy dad a calligraphy painting but o wells, i wasnt very impressed when the sifu said, "wait ar, i'll go find ur surname." so he went to his car and took out a box full of pre-written calligraph pieces of chinese surnames and their meanings! i was thinking = this is not what i'm in for man... i want the piece of the action! i wanna see u write it out! i want LIVE action then i'll buy it! noo~ " and then after ten minutes of digging thru the box, the assistant said, " hehe... dun have wor~" i was dissappointed but he took my number and said he'll call when its done. o wells, better than nuthin. kekekek~ its nice la! i love calligraphy!

i love dinner with good company. xp

semester end blues

here i am trying my very best not to fall asleep typing these words out... " HAPPY 18TH BURFDAY BEN!" da party aint dead just yet~! woOot~! hahah! continue having fun aites? gosh... how many years already? not too long actually... but we've been thru thick n thin enuff for a frenship of twenty years no? i think telekom loves us both! hahahah! sorry about the parcel man... i forgot to jot down ur name! or anyones name! ahhhhhhhhhhh~

yesh... FOUR DOWN AND JUST TWO MORE TO GO! down with hubungan etnik,english,accounts and BIT! arhaha! FREEDOM, HERE I COME! and right after the last paper, Business Statistics(18th sept)! i dun care! i'm going to go off with me buddies to party all day till night! heck! it'll be the last day of the first semester in colllege! hahahah! HISTORICAL EVENT! wheee~ lets go skating peeps! then wad? movies! dinner! clubbing *very very optional!* shopping! wooOoot!

i cant believe first semester is nearly over! ohmigosh... its like, the hectic college life is already a norm and u expect me to stop? wad? a holiday? i dunno man... dunno if i can survive it la! hahahah! three weeks of it?! three weeks of lazing around? ohmygosh... it sounds tooooo good to be true yet... i wanna go to college!

hahaha! honestly... i might moan and bitch about college being way too hectic and stressful plus hating it but unconciously, i'm actually extremely happy in it! happy with the loads of assignments, projects, presentations and extra activities! hmm... lets see wad second semester has in store fer me eh? yumz!

#1 college exam! woOt~

oh shyt.... i just found out that i made a major mistake in my hubungan etnik exam paper! i dun reli know if it is major or minor mistake... but it'll cost me a neat 20 marks! omg! ahhhh! ow noooo! there goes my freeee A paper~! *tooooooot!* o wells. i guess i'll just divert my attention on sumthing that i can still score~

English Language exam paper was orite. i'm being modest. i know. kekeke! though i was not rushing, i completed it in forty minutes after having checked my answer booklet twice! *grins* then i raised my hand discreetly for the second time, the invigilator came and handed me another answer booklet. i just shook my head and whispered "finished." she gave me a reli odd look, took my answer booklet and stood there reading my answer! i was pretty shocked. i was like ELLO?LET ME OUTTA THIS HALL!? in my head but then i just smiled and whispered " may i go out now?" she was smiled and sed " o okay. make sure u close the door and not slam." again i was like "WAD!?"

fine fine... i got outta there and i actually giggled outside the exam hall! so much for panicking in the early morning... wheekekek! then there was this guy whom i'm actually a bit scared of... we call him Panda or 'yi bai hao' (number100) he got out of the exam hall just before me and i was about to walk past him when he asked : "weii~ nie jiang kuai de?(you so fast?)" then i muttered : " hmm. ya. you?" " wo mei you chuo de( i didnt do)" omg...... sweat!

skating hurts la...

its the study week! ahhh! that would mean... exams starts next week! OMG.OMG.OMG! study charlotte STUDY! hahha! right after the microeconomics revision class, Prince tempted me to go to the skating rink at Asia City, rather undecisive i was. Dora agreed to come along and then pop comes Olivia! hahah! i guess i was orite about going right then~

had to drive home first cuz my Wira was blowing hot air instead of cold! Prince and i was like "WTH!?" and Dora innocently asked "why so hot already wan?" and Olivia goes "ya hor?" so funny lar~ switched to the Merc and we all sighed in relief with the cold blasts of air~ got there a bit late so... had lunch first and did a bit of shopping b4 skating.



SKATING HURTS LA! but its really fun, i guess. haha! met a familiar face but i just couldnt remember where i met her from. so when i was skating around, i saw this gurl again who seemed to be having a real hard time reaching the wall from the middle of the rink. helped her then said : " are you from college? " she laughed " no lah~ we met in church ,remember?" then i was like " OWH! i remember! sorry sorry!" then her name popped up - Lily!

so i helped Lily around the rink twice and i fell hard on my butt once when i lost balance trying to pull her up. hahah! Prince was really good, flying around the rink. awww... and he was pretty sweet with the kids - helping them up and teaching them. Olivia was a lil sick so she decided to be the photographer. and when the two hours of skating was up, prince and i got out and found that, Olivia had gone off with my hangbag and car keys?! oh! ' how wonderful '. she didnt bring her handphone and so we sat there waiting for half an hour! she came back with a smile and said, "shopping!" gosh! u shud've seen our faces! just gob-smacked..