shoulder not in socket

i was sad.
i was confused.
i was effing frustrated.
i was not in the mood to be nagged.
basically, i was being damn emo....

i was ....."BANG!"

spinning 360 nearly twice... i was soon facing the oncoming traffic of the roundabout... i noticed i was looking at faces who were in shock. and when i tried to hold on to the steering wheel, only my left hand did that...odd? yea... i thot so too. my engine died cuz i didnt step on the clutch, rolling towards the other cars, the lorry driver and his workers held unto my car to avoid me crashing the other cars. it was all a blur and i later saw myself calling mom,dad, and Olivia. as i spoke to them, i was short of breath.. taking it all in small gasps as it was too painful to take deep ones. the pain wasnt too bad after my shoulder was pushed back into its socket. yea... its a new experience eh? a dislocated shoulder and a constricted chest.

the second i saw the lorry coming, i just KNEW i cudnt do anything to avoid it. i felt the impact as i flew forward against my seatbelt, felt a push against my right shoulder as my leg hit against my gears.. it was THAT moment, i thought HELLO HEAVEN! but instead, the door closed right in my face! no angelic faces now... i see faces of loved ones instead. though i was slightly dissappointed of escaping death, i was comforted by those around me. it was then, i realise, maybe death isnt the way to end my miserable life. I thank You, God for sparing my life!

as i got through the medics and police, i got home and just lay in bed, thinking. how much i thought of giving up. of leaving everything behind. i was tired of being pressured to be a top student that i no longer was, tired of people telling me how wonderful a fren i am when all i did was stop to listen for a while, how lucky i am to be this guy's daughter when i had no choice of that matter, how carefree i appear to be and wad a wonderful leader i make. i had to put up a strong and cheerful front and face to the public eye all these years. smile, laugh and entertain everyone. becuz of certain circumstances, i've disregarded my health unconsciously and given up on my love life. the guy i fell in love wit in KL, i've forced myself to give up and forget.

now, i've met another guy right here in college. he's single and available but just when i'm so close to coming clean yesterday... results are back then the accident... and i'm forced to get my prospective in life back in order. now the guy no longer is in that list. its sad that now i know i have to cut back ALOT on my social life to pull my CPGA higher or i wont be graduating soon.

hahah! if only the guy knew... i'll leave it to fate. see if he'll make the first move. like i've sed before, i'm tired of being strong n independent all the time.