two more weeks!

i'm BUSY. so very very BUSY. just for this two weeks. then... i'll be in KL HOLIDAY-ing! i've got to get everything before the 13th! means... a whole month worth of assignments, group projects, tests, presentation and two club (English Language Society n Christian Fellowship) events to complete organizing. SIGHS! so much to do!

going back to KL for youth camp! woOt! i feel so excited! gosh! finally, i can reli relive the fun and complete joy to worship with my bro n sis in Christ! i miss the fellowship and the feeling of being united by faith n the love of God. i wanna be the cup once again. to be filled up. again and again... i miss grandma and grandpa! and my two lovely elder sisters! sighs... my darling friends as well... HUGS!

a shell of what i used to be

it was a mistake right from the start to fall in love with you.

i shud've run the minute i acknowledged it.

i thought i could make it right.

i guess i'm wrong.

i give up.

now i'll leave it to fate.

i'll wait and see what you will do.

in the mean time, i'll bury myself in books .

knowing you, i know its near impossible for you to make the first move.

i regret rejecting the others for you, shouldn't have wasted my time.

i feel like i've wasted opportunities and probably missed the better guy.

i'm left with only a shell of what i used to be. i miss d old me- never take 'no' for an answer and i-dun-like-so-eff-off attitude. i'll probably be orite now if i didnt tone it down...

on the verge

its amazing.....

...how i fell in love with him.

..that we were an item, even if it was just for a while.

..he became one of the most important people in my life.

..both of us thought it'll last forever.

..he should be suspicious of me cheating on him in NS

..i was the one who always had to give in.

..you didnt want to let me go when i decided the relationship is over.

..i survived the break up without going absolutely crazy...

and its even more amazing that... we're still great friends after it all. i'm glad i'm moving on with life. i was stuck in between worlds... now i've found my way back. encouraging me to love once again shows you still care as a genuine friend. we've come a long way...

its starting all over again. when i thought, "things are settling just great now. i can live a normal college life - study, sports, friends, date and a part-time job" . sadly, i'm unlike other people, need to rush to the office, meet clients and other company obligations. but right now, as more problems emerge ... i've decided to take it all on and solve it. putting all others at hold.

maybe after that, i'll be free to be who i want to be, and how i want to live my life. but right now, i'll bear with the responsibilities and stress. in three years, i hope it'll finally be over. to be able to walk out that door. to see the sunlight and not regret being in the darkness.

quote from Ben's favourite author : "i have loved, and have been loved, in the end, that's all that matters."

surprise OLIVIA

OLIVIAAA.... OLIVIAAAA..... OLIVIA!
*door slowly opens and her face in shock*

....*zavier strums the guitar*

happy burfday to u,

happy burfday to u

happy burfday to OLIVIA~!

happy burfday to you....

*tears in her eyes as she turns to walk up the stairs* whhhhat?!

" oui... oui! let us in la!"
" oh! oh yea~!"

after rushing to town n back for the Secret Recipe oreo cake, getting wet under the rain, calling frens to discuss whereabouts and waiting in the car with our group of buddies outside Olivia's house for nearly half an hour... i'm reli glad we were able to give her a surprise party! hehehe!

it was reli funny how all of us college mates gathered, calling out n singing outside her house at eleven thirty pm. it was worth it la. those who cudnt make it, they called and sms-ed. Olivia was befuddled at first ater numerous attempts on blowing out the candles. hahah! in the end, we took chopsticks to pick out the candles but... i sucked at using it. hehehe! so Zavier picked em out! woot! hahah! nineteen candles! heehhe!

her mom prepared an awesome shepherd's pie! hehehe! oh! her family is such a sport to play along the charade! they made her life hell this few days and ta-da! after lotsa of talking, we gave her our present - Vincci shoes! hahaha! it was a difficult gift to find but WE DID IT! nyahaha! hours of shopping with her in the past did not fail me! and lots of listening in the past did not fail frens like evelyn,zavier and kokseng, who helped LOADS to make this surprise party sucha success~ we spent the rest of the night playing twister and other twisted lil games. hahaha

for more pictures - http://www.flickr.com/photos/charlerk

dare i?

i guess apart from growing up with Buddhist parents, i also grew up with major influence from Christian relatives. not only that, i have atheist friends. and because of that, i owe open-minded character to that. i believe in YinYang, karma and Murphy's Law. when there is a loser, there will be a winner. what you give is what you get. what you want isn't necessarily what u get.

talking to two of my friends just now made me think

- am i wasting my time?

investing my feelings on the wrong guy?

sadly, i think so. i feel sorry and guilty for the guys i rejected. i thought it would be better if i didn't lead them on an empty chase. i'm glad i did... cuz i'm still stuck on the same guy.

i'm the one bitterly regretting. why can't i be like the others? just accept the others while waiting for this guy? wouldn't that save me the heartache i'm going through now? yea ... it would.

honestly, i'm tired of this. i wish i had the bravery of Olivia. she dared to ask the guy for his answer on a relationship. she took the risk... of blowing off the friendship for sumthing better. dare i? i daren't... maybe i'm not used to that part. i'm the one who gets asked... does he know? i dont know...

yep uh huh

losing a pencil is nothing. losing a dime causes me a slight shrug. losing a fight makes me grumble. losing a fren makes me a tad irritated.but losing a best friend.... well, it makes me utterly depressed?


i knew he was going to leave for overseas one day or another but... i just refused to think about it back then. always telling myself : hey! lotsa time!


now he's talking about it. leaving in August if everything goes as planned. theres an lil devil in me which hopes that it doesnt work out and he'll be stick here. but sadly, i'm not evil enuff to reli pray and make it so. thinking about it... i wish him the best. i hope and pray with most of my heart that he'll be able to go to the states. knowing that it'll b loads better ...loads happier... yea, you deserve it,Ben :)


i guess i'm used to it. always hoping for the best for others. some people think i'm carefree and brought up this way. maybe i am but... thinking back when i was small, my parents never thought me to be this way. to stop and listen.then to care about them... in fact - i was brought up to be tough. sadly, i never was huh, Ben? i guess only the few ppl who ever saw the soft side of me are... well...but a few~