nuh-uh.

i sometimes hate myself for being so faithful and loyal. i'm not talking religion right now. yet so many people tell me about how great it is to have such qualities. blessed yet cursed.

saying YES to a relationship means commitment and trust. and the most important of all, u reli feel the intense feeling of love for the other. i admit i feel that for him..still. it lasted three years though we were never the exclusive couple. but spending time with him was such incredible experience. no regrets.

we didnt have to go around announcing to the world we were an item. we were OURSELVES whenever wherever. being christians, we knew the limits yet that wasnt an obstacle. we prayed together and were satisfied with hugs,occasional pecks on the nose/forehead and holding hands. haha! there was ONCE we were tempted but i'm glad we got outta it real quick. taking care when sick, studying together and just being happy with the little things said n done plus given. i think that showed so much.

even after our silent agreement to part ways, we still cared for one anothers feeling. until now, we both have yet to commit ourselves to another partner... knowing that our own wounds have not fully recovered n not wanting to offer the future guy/gurl broken bits or leftover of the heart. its like, i want to give him all my heart or nothing at all. now that my heart is still broken but alredi near completion of mending. i'm waiting till its whole once more till i'm prepared to give it out again. but of course, after a very serious consideration and careful assessment la. haha!

and now i see a handful of people i know just jumping in n out of relationships like its a game of pepsi-cola! hahah! u noe d game? "pepsi cola one two three! *jumps*" the game is to step on ur opponents foot. such fun! yet utter foolishness... going all out to have our clean white skewl shoes all durty! haha!

its amazing... how i misjudged these people... i wont say that i'm dissappointed in them but rather in myself. lets just say, i wont let myself be too close or associated with them. cuz that wud be exactly like surrounding myself with bad examples or temptation. i've always wondered how can one be so insensitive to another person's feelings just after a breakup? and whats more... a gurl. no doubt the guy shares d blame as well. i am disgusted and have i not learnt from my mistakes back in the past... i wud gladly launch an attack on her like wat i've done a few years ago to another and i'll make sure its intensified by ten. i'm surprised that such a decent looking person turned out to be the absolute opposite! alright. enuff said. *nauseated*