ben? kai? maggot?

had a long talk with Ben on the phone just now. darn. i'm gonna miss him like crazy. its gonna be worse now that he'll be in the States rather than just the other side of Msia. shucks la... now BOTH of my best frens are out of the country. this is when i can truly say, i'm all alone. now there is no one i can turn or run to instantly.

i used to tell myself that, no matter wat happens, i can run away and hide at their place. even if it was jsut fer a while. maybe that was how i made myself feel a tad more secure? they have always been my support system, now having them both gone... dangit. now, this lil donkey *me!* has to think on its own feet and survive on its own! haha...

i'll miss ben. yea. i sed that already huh? what happened to out idealistic dream? hmm... twas in form2.. we made plans to move in an apartment together. study in the same college but diff courses. get out of the country together and live the life we deserve. i think wad we meant was, life without much supervision = loadsa freedom! haha~ year by year, i find myself smiling at tht memory. how naive we were. but yet, it just goes to show how far we've come. as best frens. tht was just the starting of it all =) silly lil daydreams in class. hopefully it'll turn into reality? maybe not entirely as we've planned. but i'm sure we'll make up for it eh?

long gone is that lil gangly fello, who had a black face and a small backpack barging in the class on the first day of skewl. the one who sat behind class without uttering a word. first impressions are usually off-target assumptions. i assumed Ben was a snob and a dimwit. heck! turned out to be the best candidate fer heated discussions which might turn into a debate or better, arguements. ahh~ BLISS! arent i glad that joe sent u as a messenger *grins*? remember the hate-blog? sky-high phone bills? the lil chat wif ur mom? haha~

u'd rant and complain about women and i'd curse and bitch about men. if we'd meet psychologists or counsellors, they'd become millionaires jsut by having both of us consulting them during peak-emo season. but then, i knew they're just bloodsuckers. and its fun.. since i'm the xiaochabo/kepochi of the both of us. hahah.

i'll miss you buddy. gosh... i tear up even when i start to think that ur leaving. i cant say its too soon cuz we knew u'd leave years ago. i find myself feeling bad cuz i cudnt have made a bigger effort to call or meet you. then again, we both are equally high in demand eh? always so busy with life, maybe i wasn't having priorities laid straight.

*hugs* i love you Ben. u've been this reli best fren that i needed at the times i needed u most. remember that one time i called u when i was sobbing and in hysterics? the silly car accident of mine? horrible arguments and emo-seshs? yeah. i-heart-u,bennie.