longing for peaceprobably a week or two after my birthday...i've really thought : i've wasted a year for this one guy. i wanted someone that most people think he's unsuitable or not good enough. and the other two guys were so much better for me... yea... a year wasted. i admit... but then, i took a chance...or rather, a risk and told him that i liked him in the middle of a phone conversion one night. i felt...cheapened. dont ask me why. haha! maybe the word should be vulnerable yet... it isn't exactly right either.
damn... i begin to hate mandarin. why? cuz its so unprecise. two lil chinese words can mean totally different things... so... i'm actually still stuck in the middle. wad d eff is : "hao gan" ?! like i said, mandarin is unprecise.
now, i'm having second thoughts about him... i feel bad but i'm not doing this on purpose! i feel like telling him that i was kidding when i said i liked him! maybe i shud've shutup and just remained the talkactive coursemate! honestly, now i'm just holding everything back inside.i refuse to talk to him about anything except for class,friends or studies. nothing sensitive or close to heart. maybe i dun wanna be hurt all over again. gawd... i dun want that anymore.
i might have made a small mistake by telling him. the bigger mistake MIGHT be when i trust the wrong guy. i wish i had the courage to just love freely like last time... but i feel scared. i'm trying but ... i think not trying as hard i shud be.
don't u feel like screaming and slapping me sober? well... yea... i wanna do that to myself too. haha~
