martina mcbride sed it...

i'll be what i know i shouldn't...
i'll do what i know i cannot...

rebelling? yeah... thts wad i know

that was wad i tried to leave behind and change
now i know what had inspired me to turn over a nu leaf
but, i realise that inspiration is gone
like they say : old habits die hard.

i remember the bittersweet memories... carefree and wild...
that was me back then.
now? chained to resposibilities and drowned with boredom.

i find it so easy to revert to old ways.
to just be who i am. cold and cruel when i want to...
manipulative, indulgent and selfish...

i learn from my mistakes,
no longer will i put all my whole heart into one single person
no longer will i trust all my hopes into one single event

relationships or love is sumthing
no longer exclusive
i'd love to take lessons from hippies... *giggles*
spread the love and all~

i wish i wasnt like this
yet i'm still thankful for it
no longer idealistic and gullible

Ladies n Gents! actually....
i'll back on my feet! with a naughty smile
and hidden agenda thats not too scary
oh! and it'll of course be a surprise....

when? i cant be sure
how? keeping meself swamped with TOO MUCH work
reward upon accomplishment? hmm.. i'll think abt it

wishlist? i'll still be me

why do i do this?

i hate being the third party in a relationship.
yet i cannot stay out of it.
am i being greedy or stupid?
or both?

he claims he loves me
i confirmed i do not love him
i fell for sumone else whom i cant get over with
he said, i'll wait then
romantic? i think not
stupid? yes i was thinking just tht

so why am i still with him?
simple
i'm sadistic towards the gurl
and i love the attention from the guy
o btw? money and power makes me giddy with glee

its just a phase.
i'm just using him to forget the other guy
the other guy = the guy i fell in love with
much regrettedly so

i hate you because you made me feel like a failure