nuh-uh.

i sometimes hate myself for being so faithful and loyal. i'm not talking religion right now. yet so many people tell me about how great it is to have such qualities. blessed yet cursed.

saying YES to a relationship means commitment and trust. and the most important of all, u reli feel the intense feeling of love for the other. i admit i feel that for him..still. it lasted three years though we were never the exclusive couple. but spending time with him was such incredible experience. no regrets.

we didnt have to go around announcing to the world we were an item. we were OURSELVES whenever wherever. being christians, we knew the limits yet that wasnt an obstacle. we prayed together and were satisfied with hugs,occasional pecks on the nose/forehead and holding hands. haha! there was ONCE we were tempted but i'm glad we got outta it real quick. taking care when sick, studying together and just being happy with the little things said n done plus given. i think that showed so much.

even after our silent agreement to part ways, we still cared for one anothers feeling. until now, we both have yet to commit ourselves to another partner... knowing that our own wounds have not fully recovered n not wanting to offer the future guy/gurl broken bits or leftover of the heart. its like, i want to give him all my heart or nothing at all. now that my heart is still broken but alredi near completion of mending. i'm waiting till its whole once more till i'm prepared to give it out again. but of course, after a very serious consideration and careful assessment la. haha!

and now i see a handful of people i know just jumping in n out of relationships like its a game of pepsi-cola! hahah! u noe d game? "pepsi cola one two three! *jumps*" the game is to step on ur opponents foot. such fun! yet utter foolishness... going all out to have our clean white skewl shoes all durty! haha!

its amazing... how i misjudged these people... i wont say that i'm dissappointed in them but rather in myself. lets just say, i wont let myself be too close or associated with them. cuz that wud be exactly like surrounding myself with bad examples or temptation. i've always wondered how can one be so insensitive to another person's feelings just after a breakup? and whats more... a gurl. no doubt the guy shares d blame as well. i am disgusted and have i not learnt from my mistakes back in the past... i wud gladly launch an attack on her like wat i've done a few years ago to another and i'll make sure its intensified by ten. i'm surprised that such a decent looking person turned out to be the absolute opposite! alright. enuff said. *nauseated*

PETTY MATTER MADE BIG.

there is a music video in which a very talented chinese student from Malaysia remixes and adds some 'oomph' into the National Anthem , the NEGARAKU. he has definitely done his homework while writing this song. FYI, he DID NOT alter the national anthem's lyrics! what is wrong with him expressing his opinions thru his music? he's obviously very talented... so let him be la...everything he says in the music video isnt nonsence or biased or even racist. thats probably because i,too see Malaysia the same way as he does! its d Malaysian way of life!

the police are called MATA in a certain mandarin dialect, and they do accept RASUAH! nobody is perfect therfore why so offended? its the truth anyways... me being a driver who encounter MANY humans crossing the roads on a daily basis, i find it true that there really are those certain people who cross the road without looking left or right, walking at a pace so slow as though they're saying " this is MY road so give way! Knock me down and you KNOW you're going to lose in court." pressing the honk doesnt even help as they just turn n look at you with annoyed expressions.

the government always emphasise on the importance of harmony between the many races in Malaysia but really, do u really think they're doin wad they're trying to implant in us? racial harmony? i guess we have to admit, its either they stink at what they do, or they're reli not doing anything at all. and yes, i agree that the workers in the government sector are way too pampered and to me, inconsiderate! they just sit there, 'try' to help you out, do next-to-nothing amount of work, start late-leave sharp at five, chitchat, eat kuih-muih, long tea-breaks, talk on the phone, take naps, day dream and collect their very 'hard earned' paychecks. A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!

NOT accepting the apology from the teen or the father is absolutely illogical! WHAT!? what else do u want from them? sing another song and post it online, with words n phrases of apology to the government and singing it praises? geez la! i think community service and counseling is enuff. whatever happened to freedom of speech? or acknowledging plain normal teen-mischief? in fact, he did a video which is reli impressive of sceneries and cultural event in this country, a hundred times better than the ones showed on TV to promote- Visit Malaysia Year 2007!

its so sad to know that the government is making such a big fuss over this petty matter when they shud be concentrating on improving the works of their departments and managing the country's economy better. like ALOT of people who have witnessed wads been said and done, WE KNOW WHO TO VOTE in this coming election!

i dun usually write about maggots. er...for those of u who are still very blur.... maggots is a nickname in which i have given with blessings and much love to mybestfren Benjamin, also known as kai. had a lot to talk to him these two months. rather eventful eh? glad to be of help. well, not that i was much but yeah. thanks fer always being there to clear up some of the shyt up in the brain area. haha!

been thinking of wad u sed, going overseas. its getting more and more appealing everyday. yet with all its benefits, i still am an old soul or a homing pidgeon. take ur pick. but i'll bet we both wudnt know which suits me better until we both get outta here.

remember about the guy i'm in love with in college? u sed sumthing really impactful again. how wud i know until i've tried. good one. well, i'm not keen on risking everything again. done that once and gosh, it burns. we're still young, people. no need to rush. unless u believe in finder's keepers. i , for one, do not believe in that. not all loser's are weepers.

loadsa ppl have three or four best friends. i gotta admit, i have alot of friends. a decent amount of good friends. a healthy spoonful of true friends. a teaspoon of best friends. but seriously, just one true best friend- hence with much love n blessing, introducing maggots --> Benjamin/kai. i think we can reli say that , we've been thru it all huh? i still cant help but laugh at how we first met. smile at all the mixed up sets of memories thruout the years. time flies no? chill, in a years time... i'mma plant my two feet back in the peninsular. hahahah!

i'm still am laughing and quite shocked at what ur mom sed. abt u and me. come to think about it... all i can say is WAD? EWWW! no way lah!

when two hands n a brain isnt enuff

i'll quit complaining of the college work load. but now, i'll complain of my extra curricular activities. i hate it when they say they know how to handle it but in the end, do everything last minute and screech for help. then there are those people who will always remind u that, this is not their job to do and will not do it unless credit hours can be gained. and there are those who agree to tasks assigned to them but fail to complete it. currently, running a very hectic two week long of english language related programmes. lots to do.. lots to do...

eating claypot noodles under a shady tree after lecture...Olivia,me n Evelyn

we look like a buncha crazy goons in class.

in another matter, how odd that there are actually guys that still bitch about others... its usually left to the more feminine gender to rouse up trouble that way. wait! WAIT! that would mean.... the fella is obviously a bit of a sissy. make that a total nitwit or a complete (in malaysian terms) pondan. sad.. like i always say, never judge a book by its cover. this nincompoop may look all macho and intimidating... well, he reli isnt. he gains attention by inflicting pain to others, or rather hurling accusations to another. he should be ashamed of himself. and of his actions. degrading himself to use my name on my tagboard to hurt others. sad but true, such losers still exist. and who is at greater lost? the gurls who fall fer such pathetic wimps.

for me, that is.

Lucky, the lil mongrel had just destroyed the last of my BEAUTIFUL sandals! it was the last one with indian beads on the top! i glared at him and all he did was look back then rolled around on his back, inviting a belly rub. *rolls eyes* " stupid spoilt mutt"

assignments, presentations and tests are flowing in by the heaps! save me! really, college wasnt suppose to be like this... or is it? hahahah! no doubt i still have fun but argh! must it be o-s0-rushing!? honestly, i am enjoying college life with all its crazy schedules, tutorials and daily scrambling of car-parks!

i'm pretty happy that i'm attending service on Sundays. being amidst brothers n sisters in Christ. never felt as good. then having breakfast with friends. i love KK life already. tee heez

crushing on this guy was pretty easy. he's simple, God-loving and o-so-funny! fits my bill perfectly. but rather hard to get la. he's too.... good? no... i hardly ever judge one's look la. and another bit is, there are three guys unto me... hahaha! they dun fit my bill at all! uselessss.... why isnt there a potion making book really like the one used by Harry Potter in the book -The Half Blood Prince!? i want that advance-potion making book la! i want that lucky potion and the love potions! for pretty obvious reasons la ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

got a BBQ party to host, a job to enslave myself in, and a college to dedicate my brain to all in the same day = this Saturday! and on the very next day, gotta wake up early to church and after that? shopping in the almost too-famous Gaya street, a flea market. :) life's good. yes, for me that is. wad a fib.

right now...

It’s really hard to explain it but yes, I’m still gonna try telling ya’ll why I’m so darned happy!!!

dun u just love this pic? >;)

Ever since I moved back here(kk), I didn’t attend church. No doubt that I still read the bible and sing His praises nearly everyday but still felt it wasn’t enough. I felt so bad and guilty. I disregarded that feeling for a WHOLE year for the sake of SPM and I guess I’ve paid the price of putting education first rather than to God-first.

Finally, I attended the mandarin service with my good college friend, Christy and I felt a lot better. I apologized and thanked God over and over again. I felt free and renewed. And the pastor spoke about living the word and I noticed how much I missed these spiritual nourishment. Haha! I was lost about half the time due to the fact that I hardly am familiar with such high class mandarin! Still! I was able to read most of the notes and caught bits and pieces! OHMIGOSH! I was pretty proud of myself on being able to read and understand Chinese after years of being a called a banana or an ABC! Hahah! I saw another familiar face in that church too – Zavier. ;) impressive drummer! Very interesting character. So yeah… am still very happy about going to church. Hopefully I’ll be able to just keep going. Haha!

I’m losing out on juggling college, work and family life altogether. I have this urge to just scream and say “ I quit! Not gonna work for you anymore!” but responsibility has gotten me all tied up so I just continue working for my parent’s company. And as for Saturdays, its pure joy tutoring those lil monsters in English classes. College work is piling up a bit too fast for my snail rate….hehe! and as for family life? well, there’s not much left of it. Mandy has gone to KL to study Physiotherapy. Eldest sister is also in KL studying psychology. So there is only mom, lil sis and me left at home. Where as dad comes down in the weekends. Haihs…

Still am crushing on that guy. I told Christy : “ I think I’ve got a crush on that guy la” and she gave me a look and muttered : “crush? Whats that?” I cant help but laugh : “its more than like, less than love.” “ Ooo… admire/ an lien laa!” “yeah~ *grins*” so far, only the three of us gurlies know about who he really is… two has made me bets! Hahaha! how hilarious… sushi and being slave-driver is on the line! I’m hoping I win though… I might lose on the sushi but heck… I gain the fello~ but then…petrol is getting a bit too pricey! Choices choices! I got a new bag and shades! A blue Roxy bag and a Vincci black shades! Wheee~ I’ll be skipping on two tests on both Saturdays because I’ve got my tutoring class! Heheh! So I get to take it earlier or later… I hate skipping work… gar.. .gottago… am worried about Benniemaroo…but aren’t I always? Muax ya’ll!

i'm into it...oopz- HIM!

i hate people who use the word - ' i love you' extensively. believe me. its like the person is trying to reassure himself rather than to proclaim their undying love to their partners. they say it to their partner, to their best friends, to their pets, to their sibling , on the net and even on their books! PDA is orite wit me but plz dun go overboard and make us NORMAL people cringe everytime we hear u say it to ur partner,see u kiss explicitly in public,groping or write it on walls and doors! the words are getting cheap.

and why o why? did i think that getting posts in college is just like in high school where most of the work is simple and in the end, we get high grades nearly effortlessly! here i am struggling with three posts - president, vice secretary and assistant course representative on the very first term of college! ARGH! what is this? i have to apply to use a classroom a week before?! agreement/recommendation from advisors first!? and i have to distribute the credit hours to members?! i cant hog it all to myself!? wad if i reli want to work my butt off? wad happens then? all for nothing? crazy la....

i'm in the same class as him...so EVERYDAY i see him...talk to him.....same group with him in one of the projects... yet... OMG! this is nearly the same way i meet the KL guy long ago! but i gotta admit... that love for him is slowly diminishing. i know it sounds crazy but it has been six years... so i think it has got to go one day or another right? maybe this guy right here in my college is sumone better? he has everything and a lil bit more than the previous one. great Christian, attractive personality, studious and i love it when he is sleepy! so blur and the look is sooo cute la! OKOK! enuff details! haha

i know studies is very important! *rolls eyes with a grin* but can u blame this heart? who yearns for so much more than what its getting now... there is so many things about the guy that just never cease to mesmerize me... his passion for Christ, his caring sensitive ways, knows how to have fun, great help in studies, gee wheez... he's got sexy hair n shoulders! hahha! orite~! thats all the details for now. ;)

lotsa misses!

in dependence is fun. though i gotta admit i havent got the whole package from my parents but at least i'm getting there. now the last step in achieving the highest possible level of independence right here in KK is to live outside the my parent's home. the best bit? i have the perfect place to live as well as a decent reason. my dad has got a semi-D which he gave me to manage as a project! nyahaha! now i've got the idea to rent it out to college students who have financial problems. do i sound evil or sympathetic? actually i'm trying to be both yet its just me trying to help others out. i'm renting it out at dirt cheap price with rooms completed with airconditioning, beds, built in cupboards, streamyx, astro and transportation. plus its situated in the middle of two China towns! all this for?

get ready for the pricing! TA DAA! RM250! thats it. nuthin else! hehehe! i'm crazy. but at l;east i'm happy right? muahahah! now all i have to do is watch the progression of the minor renovations and think of the best possible way to break it to my father. mom is cool with me living outta the house. no surprise there. we both understand why it might be for the best. or the world would just have to keep putting up with sudden scream and screeches in the middle of the night. havent been online for sooo long.

its like being on drugs after five years on hold! NO i dun do drugs! never will. hmm... it was just me describing the estactically high feeling i am feeling now. crazy isnt it?

miss my online buddies as well as my kl frens. i'll be back soon! wheee thats all i reli am looking forward now. i bought two sets of tickets back to KL. its like a back up plan! hahaha! so if i miss the one ine...well, i shudnt say when i'm going back. heheh! i might jsut go PEEKABOOO in front of ya!

i got three invites to a date thus far this week. am feeling good. watched transformers. it rocked my toe-varnish off! so obviously my socks have been rocked off too. hahahah! miss crapping sesssion! eh! i had one last night with maggot but... aww... cheer up kay? glad i was able to help even if it was a teenie weenie bit. dun lie to me if i didnt cheer u up kay? just say it next time. all the best to ya'all. college life has got alot of me getting used to. taaaa!