sugar coated lil devil

a tad too late?

2010-02-02T19:24:00.000-08:00

so my depression set in a little later than expected. i thought i didnt have to go through it. but it did :> i'm glad sumhow i did endure it.

it might be common knowledge but yeah, i turned the wrong direction to deal wif it. but sumhow, im glad i did?

i mean, how come i always have to be such a goody goody? WHY does clubbing make me a bad person!? i dun do drugs nor drink myself to oblivion.

the old me wud hv tried finding sumone older to talk to, write in a diary and lock myself in a room with a good book. sigh, i'm a real oldie inside. :>

turning over an old leaf

2009-11-15T01:58:00.000-08:00

i've truly gotten over him.
the guy that i've always been in love with
then again, ppl say :
if u really love him, u cudnt get over it!

that might be true
but what if u know tht u'll NVR be happy
knowing he doesnt feel the same?
but what if u know tht u have NVR mattered
to him as much as him to u?

MUST
is when you're not given a choice.
get over him or forever feel inadequate

i gave up on him
but when others came along,
i was pretty straightforward with them,
they accepted my terms n conditions.
their problem.

now that i'm truly over him,
does that mean i'm ready to go back
and face him, my past and more problems?
KL is sumwhere i'm not keen on.

just maybe. still thinking. will decide.
soon to be updated on tht matter

martina mcbride sed it...

2009-02-27T07:39:00.000-08:00

i'll be what i know i shouldn't...
i'll do what i know i cannot...

rebelling? yeah... thts wad i know

that was wad i tried to leave behind and change
now i know what had inspired me to turn over a nu leaf
but, i realise that inspiration is gone
like they say : old habits die hard.

i remember the bittersweet memories... carefree and wild...
that was me back then.
now? chained to resposibilities and drowned with boredom.

i find it so easy to revert to old ways.
to just be who i am. cold and cruel when i want to...
manipulative, indulgent and selfish...

i learn from my mistakes,
no longer will i put all my whole heart into one single person
no longer will i trust all my hopes into one single event

relationships or love is sumthing
no longer exclusive
i'd love to take lessons from hippies... *giggles*
spread the love and all~

i wish i wasnt like this
yet i'm still thankful for it
no longer idealistic and gullible

Ladies n Gents! actually....
i'll back on my feet! with a naughty smile
and hidden agenda thats not too scary
oh! and it'll of course be a surprise....

when? i cant be sure
how? keeping meself swamped with TOO MUCH work
reward upon accomplishment? hmm.. i'll think abt it

wishlist? i'll still be me

why do i do this?

2009-02-22T09:23:00.000-08:00

i hate being the third party in a relationship.
yet i cannot stay out of it.
am i being greedy or stupid?
or both?

he claims he loves me
i confirmed i do not love him
i fell for sumone else whom i cant get over with
he said, i'll wait then
romantic? i think not
stupid? yes i was thinking just tht

so why am i still with him?
simple
i'm sadistic towards the gurl
and i love the attention from the guy
o btw? money and power makes me giddy with glee

its just a phase.
i'm just using him to forget the other guy
the other guy = the guy i fell in love with
much regrettedly so

i hate you because you made me feel like a failure

ben? kai? maggot?

2008-12-02T08:31:00.000-08:00

had a long talk with Ben on the phone just now. darn. i'm gonna miss him like crazy. its gonna be worse now that he'll be in the States rather than just the other side of Msia. shucks la... now BOTH of my best frens are out of the country. this is when i can truly say, i'm all alone. now there is no one i can turn or run to instantly.

i used to tell myself that, no matter wat happens, i can run away and hide at their place. even if it was jsut fer a while. maybe that was how i made myself feel a tad more secure? they have always been my support system, now having them both gone... dangit. now, this lil donkey *me!* has to think on its own feet and survive on its own! haha...

i'll miss ben. yea. i sed that already huh? what happened to out idealistic dream? hmm... twas in form2.. we made plans to move in an apartment together. study in the same college but diff courses. get out of the country together and live the life we deserve. i think wad we meant was, life without much supervision = loadsa freedom! haha~ year by year, i find myself smiling at tht memory. how naive we were. but yet, it just goes to show how far we've come. as best frens. tht was just the starting of it all =) silly lil daydreams in class. hopefully it'll turn into reality? maybe not entirely as we've planned. but i'm sure we'll make up for it eh?

long gone is that lil gangly fello, who had a black face and a small backpack barging in the class on the first day of skewl. the one who sat behind class without uttering a word. first impressions are usually off-target assumptions. i assumed Ben was a snob and a dimwit. heck! turned out to be the best candidate fer heated discussions which might turn into a debate or better, arguements. ahh~ BLISS! arent i glad that joe sent u as a messenger *grins*? remember the hate-blog? sky-high phone bills? the lil chat wif ur mom? haha~

u'd rant and complain about women and i'd curse and bitch about men. if we'd meet psychologists or counsellors, they'd become millionaires jsut by having both of us consulting them during peak-emo season. but then, i knew they're just bloodsuckers. and its fun.. since i'm the xiaochabo/kepochi of the both of us. hahah.

i'll miss you buddy. gosh... i tear up even when i start to think that ur leaving. i cant say its too soon cuz we knew u'd leave years ago. i find myself feeling bad cuz i cudnt have made a bigger effort to call or meet you. then again, we both are equally high in demand eh? always so busy with life, maybe i wasn't having priorities laid straight.

*hugs* i love you Ben. u've been this reli best fren that i needed at the times i needed u most. remember that one time i called u when i was sobbing and in hysterics? the silly car accident of mine? horrible arguments and emo-seshs? yeah. i-heart-u,bennie.

reality bites.

2008-09-26T11:01:00.000-07:00

maybe it was a spur of a moment... something that i just suddenly wanted to do without encouragement or reason to. i didn't even have time to think rationally about the action i was about to take. there i was thinking with a giggle:"gah~ lets just get this over with!"

by the term "get it over with" , i meant that i wanted the truth. i feel so tired with all these nagging thoughts...

1. is it okay that i go out with this guy if i still like another?
2. does it count as tricking the guy on this date?
3. i think i am fooling the poor chap... *feels guilty*
4. will he hate me if he found out i like another?

then there are those heart wrenching stuff they say...

1. i like you alot...
2. will you be my gurlfren?
3. gimme a chance?
4. i'd never hurt you wor...

concluding that i might actually relieve myself of such a lip-gnawing problem by simply telling him the truth. i take the sole blame for all this stupidity. haha!

so that i did just that, i meant- me confessing! it wasnt reli confessing tho...it was more like.. me giving rather obvious hints and clues. no point beating around the bush much. thank goodness he finally understood... yep, feel quite awkward.... abit sad, regretful but i'm glad its out.

i got wad i wanted. i just wanted the truth. i'm glad i found out sooner.. than later. i'm OFFICIALLY freeeeee~! guilt free to go out with others... cuz apparently according to him, now is not the right time and he likes another few gurls. i'm not goin bonkers but... i'm glad i have the truth and a reason now. i'm just wondering why didnt i just do this sooner?!

liars. rejected

2008-09-04T09:57:00.000-07:00

so falling in love was the easy part. yeah... that was a no-brainer. now... how do u get outta LOVE?

i'm pretty sure i'm not in love. no, i am not in denial. chill~ i'm just in the late-teenage-pre-adult playful phase. hehe! just interested in having serious fun and getting involved in real-life drama. maybe right now is not the time for a steady relationship. maybe right now, is the time to explore and realise my girly dreams plus naughty fantasies...

it was on merdeka day that i made this breakthrough... im gonna live life to the fullest. doesnt it sound so corny? like its right out from the movies?

there i was, spending quality time with my family up in Kundasang, the foothills of Mount Kinabalu. it was a cold night... but not to the point of freezing tho. i received an sms from him---> X ,saying that he was caught up in a bar fight, is hurting and feels like he's dead. being myself, i went into panic mode and got worried... but a tiny voice inside of me told me to call another good fren,Wil to find out if X was orite. i called and heard the fella's voice in the background while talking to Wil. he sounds orite to me... the next day, i drove down from my holiday villa and met up for weekly badminton. aside from bruised knuckles and a nearly-unnoticeable swollen cheek, he looked and seemed A-OK.

so... enough said! i refuse to believe i over-reacted cuz Yvon reacted the exact same way i did. i hate liars!.... or braggers!... or..or guys who make a mountain out of a mole hill! HMMPH!

life manual. where art thou?

2008-08-23T07:08:00.000-07:00

hey ya'll. finally! i put my words into actions! hahahahah! i've locked up this blog! wooohoooo~

first things first! to celebrate the privatization of this blog, lemme say wad has been kept hidden in my heart for oh-so-long! ...... i have made a promise to collegemate Yvonne to remain single till the end of this year! but its unofficial! as we've eyet to discuss details and she's fussing about signing papers! this is wad u get when meticulous gurls are put into business schools eh? all about black n white and greenbacks. haha~

i'm still wondering about this deal thingy :
1. remaining single doesnt mean being crush-free! HEHEHE!
2. dating doesnt count, right?
3.wad happens if both parties succeeds in this deal.......
4. penalty.... run around campus in a swimming suit? or sing out loud: " duncha wish ur gurlfren was hot as me? dun cha~ dun cha~"
5.we need a blardy unbiased witness. both of us have over-protective frens.

if i screw up this semester... i've decided to just continue living right here in Sabah. but if i dont... i'll be continuing my studies in KayL. but for now... everything is unclear and unconfirmed. sigh... planning is fun. more fun if planning came with guarantees or warranties. heck, my life manual is missing. hehe!

end of d road

2008-08-10T11:04:00.000-07:00

it makes me sick to talk to him. well... not to point of vomitting but rather... to the point of hoping and praying he wudnt tell me things that i rather not hear. i wish i cud turn back time... when both of us were just plain frens and spoke about everything else without worry. you didnt have to think aboout what others thought and i wouldn't hurt everytime you say those few cursed words. maybe it was my fault that i became weak and made it easy. it was suppose to be the other way around. too much time left together... i just knew i shud've run. torn between temptation and responsibilty, u made me laugh and feel free after all the drama i've gone thru the past months. darnit. why did we end up this way?

grumpy and ...RAWR!

2008-07-13T09:27:00.000-07:00

roughly sums up my mood now

currently burying myself alive in work (both in the company and tuition center) and college stuff.

unconsciously... i think i'm just trying to NOT think about depressing stuff la. got lots of things going on... sure, everyone goes thru alot of things. i just dun think its the same and maybe i'm not that good in handling loads of problems at the same time.

oddly... when u're hit with one problem... suddenly, MORE will come right after that! argh... i just hate it. i hate it when a small petty problem which shudnt trouble me much becomes a big annoying one even when i dun bother or meddle with it. it feels odd to me that friends ask soo much questions about my frenship wit this particular male collegemate. WAD DOES IT HAF TO DO WITH U??? nothing right? you're not my best/good/close fren? no? so go away! i dun need another nosey dodo in my business. i had enuff of those.

so wad if i looked as tho i fell in love with him jsut a few months ago? do i look like i like him now? ever considered that maybe it was his fault that in the end i refuse to accept him as 'more than just frens' ? he asked for a chance! i was given an OPTION - yes or no . i opted NO! and the whole world suddenly thinks i'm sum evil mighty witch flying on my broomstick, cackling and throwing frogs at whim n fancy! garrrr...

as of now... i found another small group of frens. yes.. i'm those who find frens based on my moods and current needs. right now, my priorities or qualities i want in a fren is fun. funny. no stress. as simple as that.

which brings me to another problem, i was in love all along with the same guy. maybe i forgot or... purposely 'buried' him? i went out with other guys and found them...unsatisfactory... i guess i've just answered alot of questions with one lil sentence. heh.

no more complication needed in my life. i need a holiday soon.... or shopping! if not, heck! bring me out fer a stiff drink now.

fussy, i noe.

2008-06-02T08:38:00.000-07:00

i'm not sorry at all that i said no to him. but i'm saddened that we're no longer good friends like before. despite many commenting me cruel for leading him on, i'll stand my ground. i refuse to give up my single-dom for a guy deemed below-par. maybe it is slightly unfair la when he is often compared to the guy of my dreams.

in a way, i wasnt reli into him. i liked him. at the last minute, i suddenly realised the difference between like crush lust and love. i admit it was just like. i didnt love him.

i dun care if i have to wage war between those who stand for him. why do u ppl have to butt into my business? this is between me. and him. but currently, its more of me refusing to talk to him cuz i know myself better than anyone else. i cant talk to him now. i'll explode if i do. pretty sure that i'll start shooting him. depends on the location and situation. AND my mood. haha~

and oddly, most of my KL frens hv seen that fugly part of me. none of my college mates here in KK have. i've got the knack of controlling my temper very well now. to the point, the majority of my frens think i'm soooo nice and hardly hv a problem with my temper! haha! amazing.

i'm enjoying my life now. too much i admit. i dun need a permanent guy( aka boyfren) now. *sighs in relief and contentment* i dont have to worry about his feelings and alway allocate some time amidst my hectic schedule for him. for now, having fun socializing( more like fishing for potential guys...just for the fun tho) and gaining life experiences by working with parents and by being a part-time tutor.

i'm fussy. but i noe wad i want. and i want it the way i like it. xp

two steps backward and one step forward

2008-04-13T00:36:00.000-07:00

longing for peace

one discovery made me look at my family life a little differently now. something i believed in for such a long time turned out to be sumthing that waSn't true. .... i'll just leave it at that...

probably a week or two after my birthday...i've really thought : i've wasted a year for this one guy. i wanted someone that most people think he's unsuitable or not good enough. and the other two guys were so much better for me... yea... a year wasted. i admit... but then, i took a chance...or rather, a risk and told him that i liked him in the middle of a phone conversion one night. i felt...cheapened. dont ask me why. haha! maybe the word should be vulnerable yet... it isn't exactly right either.

damn... i begin to hate mandarin. why? cuz its so unprecise. two lil chinese words can mean totally different things... so... i'm actually still stuck in the middle. wad d eff is : "hao gan" ?! like i said, mandarin is unprecise.

now, i'm having second thoughts about him... i feel bad but i'm not doing this on purpose! i feel like telling him that i was kidding when i said i liked him! maybe i shud've shutup and just remained the talkactive coursemate! honestly, now i'm just holding everything back inside.i refuse to talk to him about anything except for class,friends or studies. nothing sensitive or close to heart. maybe i dun wanna be hurt all over again. gawd... i dun want that anymore.

i might have made a small mistake by telling him. the bigger mistake MIGHT be when i trust the wrong guy. i wish i had the courage to just love freely like last time... but i feel scared. i'm trying but ... i think not trying as hard i shud be.

don't u feel like screaming and slapping me sober? well... yea... i wanna do that to myself too. haha~

sixsubjectsinshortsemester

2008-03-14T02:34:00.000-07:00

i dunno wad to think of it right now. losing two good friends,Wing and Prinz who decided to drop outta college, made me feel really sad and yeah, cried abit... wad if it were two best friends? i lost one for sure already, thanks to her dishonesty... well, one more is on the pending list. haha. i'm not really sure why but i guess i prefer to have a little bit of hope.

i dun think being best friends for more than five years would end just like that, would it?

honestly... i don't know. and right now... life isn't going the way i wanted AT ALL. not a bit. i have six subjects this semester. and its a SHORT semester...

thinking of me myself and i

2008-03-08T06:50:00.000-08:00

i tried. not once... not twice.... but alot of times! COUNTLESS TIMES. i reli take the innitiatuve and willingly spend my money to call, or try to chat thru MSN but if he doesnt want to receive the call or even make an effort to contact me, FINE!

i deserve at least an explaination or a offline message. but no....instead i get rejected calls, a few brush-offs and many unanswered MSN messengers. all i wanted was a brief update or how're things or better yet,a short simple convo... i dun mean to be rude or seem inconsiderate, but seriously, considering...i've been doing this for the last two weeks?!... i dun think i am selfish or whatsoever. what am i supposed to feel when this is your best friend? happy, not bothered or abit irritated? i think i already have more than enuff reasons to be angry.

i've been working my ass off, attending classes, leading clubs, studying into the wee hours of morn, and handling two major projects for my dad since the day i got back from KL, and in the midst of all the chaotic rushing of work and college, i still constantly think of him, go online to drop a MSN message, or try to call.

not belittling the things he goes thru, for i will never do that... i just feel i've done what i shud...its frustrating for me when i try to do sumthing close to my heart and it doesnt work out...and believe me, i've never complained abt my frenship with him till now.... and..... come to think about it... honestly... from now on... like alot of people say, i gotta start thinking of ME... being hurt is easy, i just dont want to go on hurting. i'm going to believe that maybe i'm wrong, and yea. i will no longer contact those who do not contact me or unless without advance notice/permission.

2008-02-29T04:21:00.000-08:00

hmm... i remembered the first time being forced to wear skirts by my mom when i was six... gosh... it was like forcing satan to wear a pair of angel wings! i was howling and struggling... it was a satin skirt with white lace and ribbons. *shivers* i never really like the kiddy stuff ... but ... i bought myself a short skirt... from Dorothy Perkins! i love it! hehehe!

i guess this is where i admit that my elder sister was right. u cant keep all ur frens from high skewl unless they appreciate u just the same... so that means, only my best and closest frens huh? all the others will slowly fade. i argued with her, of course. saying that its different with my bunch! just a few years from then, i realised... yea. she's so right. i'm losing most of my old buddies... only retaining a handful... and sadly... in that small handful, a few are already slipping thru my fingers...as hard as i try to save those frenship... time and fate is always against me, or the other party gave up too.

i went out wit him and realized... I'm really happy! he was everything i wanted in a guy but... abit of chemistry was missing. he held doors and chairs out (perfect gentleman!), attentive, fun, spunky... gosh... he was just hilarious as well! yet... as much as i wanted to.. i guess i wasnt THAT into him. i needed more connection than gentlemanly ways and goofy jokes. i love talking abt more deeper stuff like philosophy and political views... i enjoy his magical gift of knowing what i've missed out, like playing at the beach, flying kites and a picnic! how cool is that?! he wondered out loud, " have u played in the rain before? let's do it but don get sick ah!" * giggles* i wish i could fall deeply and madly in love wif him... but even when i force myself... i cant... i'm still trying...

pounded

2008-02-11T18:22:00.000-08:00

my very foundation of my faith is shaken. i'm not surprised. Ben knows why... not blaming anyone but myself. i always knew that i was weak in faith. i've always tried to block off the logic and reason that formed in my head... meeting Ben was like a wake up call. he made me face reality in a nanosecond. i was reluctant..no,wait... i was slightly confused or rather... i denial la.

blamed self

2008-02-10T09:20:00.000-08:00

its partly my fault. to always be busy with college and work. but i cant reli help it... i wish i cud have stayed back in KL and not go back to sabah... but i did what i was expected of me from my family.. mostly my dad.

Ben was right... i chose the easy way out. i chose not to be the best i can be. he's still my best bud. nothing can change that. i know i neglected the time we had with each other... or the sheer bad luck /timing to meet up...i rarely ever emailed... or call..or sms...... its bad, i know.

i do not! want this frenship to ever end. i dun know but i feel we're both too much alike and if i ever cut off contact with ben, its like losing my opposite gender of a twin. a brother. a family member. my best bud...

to me, i segregate my list of frens into neat lil groups... like best friends (being on top of the friend pyramid) and the second, good frens and third, just frens. yep... easy? no? best frens being those i cherish the most, appreciate and truly believe in : friendship never ends..... and currently, there's just only two.. Ben and Georgine.

giggles~!

2008-01-12T04:42:00.000-08:00

i admit, i do not LOVE taking care of kids... or even being near one. i'm not being snobbish but rather, i know i CANT stand them, simply do not have the patience for screaming, whining, and spoilt lil critters. BUT~ that was me from two years ago. i took up a job as a private english tutor and begun to fall every bit in love with them. even though they're irritating and noisy... but they're adorable and still very much lovable. hehe~ i just call them lil monsters now. it helps ALOT.

orite~! i'm getting myself out of the rut! even if its reli slow and dreary... hm~ i scored a whooping 36/40 for BIS coursework! and me being rather slow in technology... this is pretty good! hahah! as for Macroeconomics, i scored a neat 70.5 for coursework. i noe... not a very pretty score. bad charlotte BAD~! gotta try reli reli hard in the examinations. i thank God i didnt fail Quantitative Studies! THANK YOU GOD! and my frens who are always there to save me at the last minute! now am just waiting for accounts... argh~! utter horrid suspence! ms.Chan pleaseeee! let me passs laaaa!

brokenly whole

2008-01-05T05:34:00.000-08:00

like a flower which petals have been picked...

the feeling of being seen through. its like an open secret. thinking that only a few close buddies knew... how wrong i've been. the one person that should not have known...

i'm slightly embarrassed. more of dissappointed... haha~ this kinda gives the guys in KK a reli bad impression. i thought i have left the childishness of high school boys behind... but lo behold, college guys are equally or more immature. when are u guys gonna grow up!? sure, physically u guys do drastically catch up but i'm already pretty darn sure, that mentally, ur still no where near the gurls.

2007-12-29T06:15:00.000-08:00

gotta admit...

this year has been a very hectic one... filled with lots of drama...and laughs... but most importantly ---> life lessons....

Jan-March was stuck in National Service (Kumpulan 1/ Siri 4 Kem Sri Ledang, Tangkak, Johor). i think i was lucky to be in that camp. situated in a beautiful forest reserve of the mythical Gunung Ledang and was able to meet so many different people. i learnt more about handling people, adapting to current situations, different culture and religion, lots of dance and singing, and i was able to do loads of charity work. during this time, i really learnt to rely on the Bible for strength and comfort. i miss my friends... i miss the crazy daily routine... i miss the horrible food! hahahah! i miss being sun burnt and groaning in body aches and blisters.

March-May got back to KK and started having fun by joining Starbucks in Centre Point. it was great fun... learnt so much about one of my favourite beverages! heheh! made interesting friends and... fell even more in love wit coffeine~!

May-now.... college life is sooo much more than wad i thought it should have been! hahah! i dun remember dreaming of running around with loads of assignment due at the same week, presentations, meetings to attend and lead, events to organise, tests to prepare... gosh... the list goes ever on..... girl-fights, draaamaaaaa and way tooo much driving... i want more free time! i want less driving time! arghh! accidently fell-in-love, had two car accidents, attended youth rally(KK) and youth camp(KL), family xmas dinner and friend's xmas BBQ party, completed most of my work with my parent's company, and finally! i'm a proud tuition teacher! LOVE my smart lil monsters! hahah!

RESOLUTION?

more time for God. i'm reli gonna have to work on this bit!
less shopping *coughcoughvomitcough*
quit singing ala 'syok sendiri' style in the car ... with hands waving and head bobbing to the tune~
more ME time! a gurl HAS to pamper herself!
less outing with yamcha buddies ... OUCHIES! HOW?!
cut down on expenses... but i need to go shopping la...
be punctual fer classes
try not to terrorize the safe *coughslowcough* local drivers

give You praise!

2007-12-21T00:43:00.000-08:00

14th - 17th Dec 07

Transform Us : FBC 2007 Youth Camp

it was alot more relax-ing than last year... alot more free time...and alot MORE friends! wahahah! it was really great being able to attend worship with youth (in english! THANK GOD! ) , getting to know more about Christ through fellowship, have meals with cousins and old friends, and making new ones.

the worship sessions were really good...the talks and workshops were even better... attended the the workshop held by Trishia http://www.egalitaria.wordpress.com/ on Christians in politics. an eye-opener... and i was amazed at what we are actually able to do, even if we're not adults just yet.

able to have LOADS of fun with my two luvly gurlfrens - Sara n Eunice! along with the other youth i grew up with... some which no longer are youths but... i think they're in denial but i'm cool with that~ hahaha!

Left to Rgiht : 1. there i was sharing...panic panic...

2. me, joshua and kenneth fooling around

3. group pic! niceee shirt! *ahem! cute butts!*

4. Benjamin's electrifying hair-do! Zhen and me!

5. Fong-Lee-Chan clan VS. the...the... i'll get back to that! clan!

6. the fastest human wheelbarrow! me and Joanna!

7.Moses the sandy merman! gonna be hit with more sand by Ian! Eunice RUN!

8. JOSHUA! eh! not you! yes YOU! omg...they're ALL joshuas.....gasps!

updownleftrightsidetoside

2007-12-13T09:51:00.000-08:00

i never thought i would be this cowardly. i went with the plan till the very end. but i just didn't add the full stop sign ( . )

what a friend said was true... if i don't ask, i'll probably regret it on the flight back home to KL... i did. wad an utter fool i felt.

but then again, what if the plan went wrong? wad if i did add that full stop by asking the ultimate question nagging me? wad if it isnt the answer i wanted? it might have ruined my short holiday here.

i'm slowly killing myself by jumping to and fro.... i thought i made a promise to not get distracted while in diploma... who am i kidding? haha~ its time to hit the books hard....but not just yet!

i'm HOME! i'm in KayL! gonna go fer youth camp! woOt~ miss those back in KK... odd to admit but yeah... supposed to have light dinner with olivia, hin and kokseng before my departure but we were both late so... they just sent me off. which was fun enuff la. hahah~

benjamin goin to thailand is an absolute ... arghhhhh! WHY?! ....spoil of plans! and how can u NOT noe the way to KL sentral or LCCT !? O.O'' armoizeng...

evevee

2007-12-12T06:08:00.000-08:00

i've made it! i've completed assignments! tests! presentation! debate! and ... two more tasks to go... BUT! i believe i can do it! i'm going to set all the plans and instructions down for my committee to do! and hopefully, while i'm off holiday-ing, nothing wrong will happen! hehehe!

o gosh... lemme tell u abt my debate. it was the most hilarious debate i've ever seen or participated. there was alliances forged and information swappings and finally, loads of giggling and laughing. POI's were mostly planned and a few were just for the heck of asking the opposing team to repeat their statement and questions... we should have enrolled into drama school. the comments we got from the lecturer? " not serious, too much laughing, not organized..."

cant wait to go fer youth camp! woOt~! i wanna meet my dear grandpa+ma! sisters! aunties uncles cousins .... friends! yeshhhhhhh~ muahx!

mumboe

2007-12-06T07:44:00.000-08:00

for the past two months, i've been going out with friends on a regular basis to play badminton....its a good opportunity to exercise as well as have fellowship with them outside of college. keeps my mind off alot of things and... jsut sweat it out! wooOt~

i lost the whole file of notes and tutorials for QS n Macro! argh.... how heart wrenching! if it has been taken by someone, CURSESSSSS! if i lost it, omgosh! how blardy careless...

u noe , there are things u just dont wanna think abt now. but u just KNOW its gonna happen? like the death of a loved one, or...someone really close to you going off to a foreign country? it makes u reli reli sad so u just refuse to think abt it .... well, until it comes knocking at ur door. then ur forced to face it then and now.

gosh... time is running out! he's leaving soon. i wanna spend more and more time with him. i dun want things to change. how childish and idealistic Kai n I were back then... to think and dream that we could always grow up together, graduate from high skewl, go to the same college and uni. gosh... we even thought of living in the same apartment! argh... but going back to KL during the hols, meeting up are always great...even though its always for a lil while. but! watching a movie together sucks big time. three hours worth of yakking is wasted. we cud talk for hours...no...days...omg...we've been talking fer years... and never been tired of it. but sitting quietly and enjoying each other's company is pretty good as well... LOL.

i should be soooo guilty ridden right now. but i'm not! muahahah! i've set Saturday as an official gurl's day out! but, the presence of our guy friends are always negotiable. hahah~ so... last week and this week's shopping includes ...! ;P

faded stretchy light blue jeans
dark blue denim jeans
red v-neck top
black v-neck top
black and white high heels
red polkadot purse
red jacket
white silk baby-doll top
registered as a Body Shop member (East Msia) *finally they have a member's card! instead of telling u off politely that they accept west msian member cards! #$^$%^$%&*
loads of Starbucks wif my dahrlings~
watched Enchanted~ doesn't James Marsden and Mcdreamy make u drool?*
.... omg.... do i hv to tell u abt the accessories? yes... i'm still as mad as a fanatic should/can/want to be. heheh!

when the credit card statement arrives... i'm officially off to the slaughter house. but hey! i did exercise moderation! i made sure it was on sale~ heheheheh! oh~ daddy finally thinks i'm ready to drive the other cars for good! not that i dun drive the other cars but... i dun drive them all the time! but ... waaahahahaha! i can do as i please after i find sumone to sell my car off! *smiles the most evilly happy smile and occassionally giggles*

two more weeks!

2007-11-30T03:35:00.000-08:00

i'm BUSY. so very very BUSY. just for this two weeks. then... i'll be in KL HOLIDAY-ing! i've got to get everything before the 13th! means... a whole month worth of assignments, group projects, tests, presentation and two club (English Language Society n Christian Fellowship) events to complete organizing. SIGHS! so much to do!

going back to KL for youth camp! woOt! i feel so excited! gosh! finally, i can reli relive the fun and complete joy to worship with my bro n sis in Christ! i miss the fellowship and the feeling of being united by faith n the love of God. i wanna be the cup once again. to be filled up. again and again... i miss grandma and grandpa! and my two lovely elder sisters! sighs... my darling friends as well... HUGS!

a shell of what i used to be

2007-11-25T08:40:00.000-08:00

it was a mistake right from the start to fall in love with you.

i shud've run the minute i acknowledged it.

i thought i could make it right.

i guess i'm wrong.

i give up.

now i'll leave it to fate.

i'll wait and see what you will do.

in the mean time, i'll bury myself in books .

knowing you, i know its near impossible for you to make the first move.

i regret rejecting the others for you, shouldn't have wasted my time.

i feel like i've wasted opportunities and probably missed the better guy.

i'm left with only a shell of what i used to be. i miss d old me- never take 'no' for an answer and i-dun-like-so-eff-off attitude. i'll probably be orite now if i didnt tone it down...

on the verge

2007-11-22T01:18:00.000-08:00

its amazing.....

...how i fell in love with him.

..that we were an item, even if it was just for a while.

..he became one of the most important people in my life.

..both of us thought it'll last forever.

..he should be suspicious of me cheating on him in NS

..i was the one who always had to give in.

..you didnt want to let me go when i decided the relationship is over.

..i survived the break up without going absolutely crazy...

and its even more amazing that... we're still great friends after it all. i'm glad i'm moving on with life. i was stuck in between worlds... now i've found my way back. encouraging me to love once again shows you still care as a genuine friend. we've come a long way...

its starting all over again. when i thought, "things are settling just great now. i can live a normal college life - study, sports, friends, date and a part-time job" . sadly, i'm unlike other people, need to rush to the office, meet clients and other company obligations. but right now, as more problems emerge ... i've decided to take it all on and solve it. putting all others at hold.

maybe after that, i'll be free to be who i want to be, and how i want to live my life. but right now, i'll bear with the responsibilities and stress. in three years, i hope it'll finally be over. to be able to walk out that door. to see the sunlight and not regret being in the darkness.

quote from Ben's favourite author : "i have loved, and have been loved, in the end, that's all that matters."

surprise OLIVIA

2007-11-18T06:50:00.000-08:00

OLIVIAAA.... OLIVIAAAA..... OLIVIA!
*door slowly opens and her face in shock*

....*zavier strums the guitar*

happy burfday to u,

happy burfday to u

happy burfday to OLIVIA~!

happy burfday to you....

*tears in her eyes as she turns to walk up the stairs* whhhhat?!

" oui... oui! let us in la!"
" oh! oh yea~!"

after rushing to town n back for the Secret Recipe oreo cake, getting wet under the rain, calling frens to discuss whereabouts and waiting in the car with our group of buddies outside Olivia's house for nearly half an hour... i'm reli glad we were able to give her a surprise party! hehehe!

it was reli funny how all of us college mates gathered, calling out n singing outside her house at eleven thirty pm. it was worth it la. those who cudnt make it, they called and sms-ed. Olivia was befuddled at first ater numerous attempts on blowing out the candles. hahah! in the end, we took chopsticks to pick out the candles but... i sucked at using it. hehehe! so Zavier picked em out! woot! hahah! nineteen candles! heehhe!

her mom prepared an awesome shepherd's pie! hehehe! oh! her family is such a sport to play along the charade! they made her life hell this few days and ta-da! after lotsa of talking, we gave her our present - Vincci shoes! hahaha! it was a difficult gift to find but WE DID IT! nyahaha! hours of shopping with her in the past did not fail me! and lots of listening in the past did not fail frens like evelyn,zavier and kokseng, who helped LOADS to make this surprise party sucha success~ we spent the rest of the night playing twister and other twisted lil games. hahaha

for more pictures - http://www.flickr.com/photos/charlerk

dare i?

2007-11-12T23:05:00.000-08:00

i guess apart from growing up with Buddhist parents, i also grew up with major influence from Christian relatives. not only that, i have atheist friends. and because of that, i owe open-minded character to that. i believe in YinYang, karma and Murphy's Law. when there is a loser, there will be a winner. what you give is what you get. what you want isn't necessarily what u get.

talking to two of my friends just now made me think

- am i wasting my time?

investing my feelings on the wrong guy?

sadly, i think so. i feel sorry and guilty for the guys i rejected. i thought it would be better if i didn't lead them on an empty chase. i'm glad i did... cuz i'm still stuck on the same guy.

i'm the one bitterly regretting. why can't i be like the others? just accept the others while waiting for this guy? wouldn't that save me the heartache i'm going through now? yea ... it would.

honestly, i'm tired of this. i wish i had the bravery of Olivia. she dared to ask the guy for his answer on a relationship. she took the risk... of blowing off the friendship for sumthing better. dare i? i daren't... maybe i'm not used to that part. i'm the one who gets asked... does he know? i dont know...

yep uh huh

2007-11-11T00:29:00.000-08:00

losing a pencil is nothing. losing a dime causes me a slight shrug. losing a fight makes me grumble. losing a fren makes me a tad irritated.but losing a best friend.... well, it makes me utterly depressed?

i knew he was going to leave for overseas one day or another but... i just refused to think about it back then. always telling myself : hey! lotsa time!

now he's talking about it. leaving in August if everything goes as planned. theres an lil devil in me which hopes that it doesnt work out and he'll be stick here. but sadly, i'm not evil enuff to reli pray and make it so. thinking about it... i wish him the best. i hope and pray with most of my heart that he'll be able to go to the states. knowing that it'll b loads better ...loads happier... yea, you deserve it,Ben :)

i guess i'm used to it. always hoping for the best for others. some people think i'm carefree and brought up this way. maybe i am but... thinking back when i was small, my parents never thought me to be this way. to stop and listen.then to care about them... in fact - i was brought up to be tough. sadly, i never was huh, Ben? i guess only the few ppl who ever saw the soft side of me are... well...but a few~

rectangular plastic n blood pumping organ

2007-10-29T01:18:00.000-07:00

so much to do, so little time.
gonna split the burden with the other course rep.
its suppose to be my turn ,but i reli cant cope.

i hope i'm allowed to fire the secretary.

i'm not talking about the one in my parent's company.

its the one in the college club that i'm leading in.

this isn't the right time to fall in love.
its a killer...semester two, i mean.
no additional stress wanted.

i need to go shopping...

to shop alone is bliss...

but i am hardly EVER given that priviledge.

oh! i finally got my credit card! woot~!
but oddly, i feel oh-so-stingy with spending than before!
surprise surprise! i've not spent more than rm200 on it yet... wow...

turned back!

2007-10-28T05:29:00.000-07:00

the glass is... upside down? ...empty? right? ...

i think i've sorted alot of things out already.

it's crazy that i had never really sorted it properly till now.

now that its done, i feel alot better.

it's time to appreciate the more important and serious things in life.

like...serious education, healthy living, planned future and darn good friends.

time to sink into the plans of me being the future of my dad's company.

what's next? getting a boy-toy while waiting fer the right one as husband.

WHO AM I KIDDING!? gosh... do u seriously think i would reli do that?! hmm... i might do it. but its near impossible for me to stick wit it. HAHAH~ dun worry. i'm on track! not gonna go wild anytime soon! hahah!

Goodbye, my almost lover

Goodbye, my hopeless dream

I'm trying not to think about you

Can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance

My back is turned on you

I should've known

you'd bring me heartache

Almost lovers always do

sighz~

2007-10-24T03:23:00.000-07:00

"i'm a house of cards in a hurricane." - Backstreet Boys

oddly, i'm not falling fast and hard for this guy like i thot i wud. its reli gradual and i'm learning new things about him everyday. its alredy hard enuff to talk to him. never is serious!

hmm... english class was reli amusing today. we drew lots to determine who we were up against and when we were to debate. i was the one representing my group to draw lots and... unfortunately, got the one team that i DONOT want to go against! firstly its because, all three of them are good friends. which i have no ability to go all cold and haughty to my opponents. haha! and Prinz being the cheeky one claimed it will be an easy win. gah~

laughing non-stop and retorting wit our lecturer, class was reli enjoyable. from laughing at " no pork! no pork!" comments to recalling experience that a gurlfren had to wash her BF's fren's laundry and keeping a baboon for a pet~ horribly good laugh.

driving the Mercedez Benz to skewl is undoubtly cool but trust me! i keep worrying if i'd scratch it or i'd forget to lock the doors. haha!

not hard enuff

2007-10-22T03:17:00.000-07:00

i had major fun taking care of the English Language Society's booth on parent-lecturer's day with most of my ELS members. had it decorated with posters,pictures and paperstars! but! the hilarious part was, there was more of interaction between students rather than with the parents. obviously, the main point was missed! who cares? not we! we played scrabble and undertook dares... it was fun... reli. two hours non-stop.

bummmer~the guy is SERIOUSLY playing hard-to-get or is PATHETICALLY stoopid. i'd rather label him the first one, but am beginning to think he is reli lacking the IQ. if i'm still wrong in that... he's a pretty good actor.

i'm getting sick of being course rep. the post is definitely up-for-grabs. i have no time for it. no mood too. imagine, i hv problems managing MY OWN time and notes, and u want me to do it for others!? thats like asking a rat to share a small cheese with its clan. wont work well...*squeecks!*

many of my frens were rather sweet. offered to carry my stuff and asking if i was orite. the cheeky few wud say : " omg...lorry! and ur still here ah? didnt bang hard enuff ah?"

proud again! will i get tired of saying that? hahah~ prob not! but... CONGRATULATIONS BENJAMIN/KAI! scoring ANOTHER near perfect score in ur impromptu speeeech! argh! so jealous bro! but damn proud of u still... hey, i can harbour both emotions at the same time, no? ;P keep it up!

shoulder not in socket

2007-10-21T04:20:00.000-07:00

i was sad.
i was confused.
i was effing frustrated.
i was not in the mood to be nagged.
basically, i was being damn emo....

i was ....."BANG!"

spinning 360 nearly twice... i was soon facing the oncoming traffic of the roundabout... i noticed i was looking at faces who were in shock. and when i tried to hold on to the steering wheel, only my left hand did that...odd? yea... i thot so too. my engine died cuz i didnt step on the clutch, rolling towards the other cars, the lorry driver and his workers held unto my car to avoid me crashing the other cars. it was all a blur and i later saw myself calling mom,dad, and Olivia. as i spoke to them, i was short of breath.. taking it all in small gasps as it was too painful to take deep ones. the pain wasnt too bad after my shoulder was pushed back into its socket. yea... its a new experience eh? a dislocated shoulder and a constricted chest.

the second i saw the lorry coming, i just KNEW i cudnt do anything to avoid it. i felt the impact as i flew forward against my seatbelt, felt a push against my right shoulder as my leg hit against my gears.. it was THAT moment, i thought HELLO HEAVEN! but instead, the door closed right in my face! no angelic faces now... i see faces of loved ones instead. though i was slightly dissappointed of escaping death, i was comforted by those around me. it was then, i realise, maybe death isnt the way to end my miserable life. I thank You, God for sparing my life!

as i got through the medics and police, i got home and just lay in bed, thinking. how much i thought of giving up. of leaving everything behind. i was tired of being pressured to be a top student that i no longer was, tired of people telling me how wonderful a fren i am when all i did was stop to listen for a while, how lucky i am to be this guy's daughter when i had no choice of that matter, how carefree i appear to be and wad a wonderful leader i make. i had to put up a strong and cheerful front and face to the public eye all these years. smile, laugh and entertain everyone. becuz of certain circumstances, i've disregarded my health unconsciously and given up on my love life. the guy i fell in love wit in KL, i've forced myself to give up and forget.

now, i've met another guy right here in college. he's single and available but just when i'm so close to coming clean yesterday... results are back then the accident... and i'm forced to get my prospective in life back in order. now the guy no longer is in that list. its sad that now i know i have to cut back ALOT on my social life to pull my CPGA higher or i wont be graduating soon.

hahah! if only the guy knew... i'll leave it to fate. see if he'll make the first move. like i've sed before, i'm tired of being strong n independent all the time.

sudden curiosity?!

2007-10-17T06:41:00.000-07:00

Which Hero Are You?

My Result: Niki Sanders

You know you're one tough cookie. But people really adore you for your soft side. Of course you can take care of yourself, but you also make sure to take care of those around you, and, hey, you always look good doing it!

Take this test >

thx Ben...appreciate it loads... for your opinions back in ur blog . i mean... u noe i reli need straight to the point kinda views. if not i'll torture myself/you/other people with those loose-ends. " wad if? does tht mean..? no...yes...maybe" and Ben? i think its great i hv a old fahioned, retro and classic best fren like u la! hahah! it just might be the best lurve advisor to go to~ haha! i might be laughing but reli, i'm serious. gotta admit... yes, i've only known him for about five months in college... but meeting this guy under various situations made me able to view him in so many angles. not just physically,mind u. hahah! but i'll take ur advise : "if you two are really so meant for each other, MFEO, then why rush?"

with Ben being SUDDENLY hit by this serious urge of curiosity= wanting to know how others perceive him! i mean, i was like : " HEY! i've been trying to write a post like that for years! " but sumhow it just cudnt be materialised in just ONE post. i had several consecutive posts just to sum up wad i wanted to say! and he did it in...two hours?!

it still amazes me... how i am perceived by him (Ben, i mean)

witty, intellectual, fun, independent, influential, sober and deep, yet look good at the same time

i wud usually agree tht inside the cold hard devilish exterior is reli a warm fuzzy granny. haha! does tht sound bad?

its still very odd to hear people telling you that you're..

so mature, all rounded (huh? character wise or physically? heehee), understanding, and reliable.

mature?! then u dun reli noe me well, crapping is one of my expertise~ laughing is my precious asset....

wad i've accepted thus far are,

independent,mature,giggly,talkative,crazy,aunt agony...gosh...

but believe it or not... i'm just not satisfied. i'm happy with the answers i've got. but surprisingly, i'm not content. yes... i still dream of world domination. yes... in my dreams i'm Hitler the 2nd(female version) thank u thank u~ all hail Her!

from one of my smses to an old fren last night ----> " i'm getting tired of being strong and independent all the time..." that was me trying to say, maybe i dun hv to face the world alone all the time

2007-10-12T07:45:00.000-07:00

i believe i've come a looong way since high skewl. its been nearly a year. and most of my high school friends have said tht i've changed so much. so yea. i believe that too.

i've broken up with my first serious relationship right after NS. NS itself was sumthing tht made me grow up real fast. i worked in Starbucks and started college. and all the while, i worked for my parent's company. driving also taught me to be more responsible... then i fell in love again. it made me learn sumthing new everyday.

i spoke to a friend just this afternoon... he asked why i was silently loving the guy i fell for in college? i simply replied : i dunno. then he said sumthing like : scared tat u and him won't be as close as before after u tell him tat u like him..or scared that he'll keep his distance? it got me thinking for a while and i agreed to both and added : afraid of him taking it for granted.

first cut is the deepest. now i know. i shudnt have ventured into a relationship so soon. yet i cant help but want to try it out again. will this guy be different? or is he going to be just like the rest? maybe i am the coward for not wanting to tell the guy... maybe i still think its not the gurly thing to do. yet i do believe kai might scoff and think otherwise! haha!

i was hoping sumone wud gimme another kinda answer or solution to my question : wad do i do? it still mine and my move alone to determine things.... the guy seems to know so well tht i'm into him. yet he doesnt want to do anything... continues being the same fella as before. i think i'll walk away really soon. please, please end this madness.... soon.

here's to you!

2007-10-11T23:01:00.000-07:00

shouts for JOY! WOoOoT!!!! *party style, please~*

i'm like a proud momma ya'all! hahah! my son has...*coughcoughvomits* oopzie~actually...my best buddy Benjamin/Kai scored near PERFECT scores for his college presentation! SO PROUD OF YOU LA! i've seen and am still convinced of your ability and passion since form 2! i think this is when i can say, I TOLD YOU SO! i told you that u were a gazzilllllion times better than i am! hahaha!

A TOAST TO MARTIN LUTHER KING THE 2ND! *drumrolls plz!* BENJAMIN kAI ~! tis an honour, my fren! Congrats! keep it up yo~!

"they also agree with me that a person that isn't exposed to stress occasionally or on an often basis, might find themselves unable to cope with stress and end up breaking down easily. and apparently, Charlotte Fong Jia Lerk is a Type A person. hehe." -- quoted from kai http://www.my-quietdrive.blogspot.com/

Type A
Strongly motivated and driven am i? didn noe...
like to compete brint it on!
enjoys power and recognition heheh~ maybe...
easily angered/motivated to act too true
efficient and vigorous no lah!
dislikes wasting time late for class...does tht count?
easy going people often frustrates them hell yeah! wads wrong wit them!?
appear self confident but have strong feelings of self doubt. shhh! tis a secret!

its pretty obvious i LURRRVEEE lil tests like these! and i adore the fact tht Ben is studying psychology now! hehehe! i can get all these lil snippets of information without having to study! and at the same time, i get to learn a lil more about myself. calling me a Hitler-wannabe isnt right ler, Ben! its just a dream...which i intend to realize before i'm 40 though... *evil snigger*

new semester~ GO!

2007-10-10T07:39:00.000-07:00

new semester just started... and gosh... i shoulder the full weight of the responsibilities of being the course representative! and being the president of English Language Society! ahhhh! i have the two advisors to the club in silent war at each other as well! ohmigosh! i feel like slapping them both and scream GROW UP LA! i have to get the notes, photostat them, and distribute them. figure out when to hold both formal and informal meetings! gah! the list goes on!

and the start of the new semester makes it harder to look at the guy i fell in love with la... hmm... wad do i do? we're still great friends... we can talk and laugh and hang out for hours but i'm really scared if he or sumone else figures it out. it'll be reli embarassing la... i know i've said that i'm in love with another guy in KL for years... but oddly, i feel the same kinda feeling for this two guys in college as well. one is like my best friend while the other is like a kid brother. now, i have three other guys currently waiting on me... sounds crazy but there are people who scream at me to take either one of the three cuz they're offering everything they have. i guess they're right but think abt it, i'll just feel guilty about wastinf their heart n cash sooner or later. i dun think it would be a total waste if it were the three guys i fell for rather than the three that are interested in me. are u lost? yeah... me too~ i'm trying to sort it out as well~ i'll take my time. heheh!

Labuan - not wat i thot

2007-10-03T09:00:00.000-07:00

you can choose to read this LOOOONG blog post to know more abt my Labuan(duty free) hols if you're blessed with 25 hours in a day OR i suggest u click the following link to enjoy a pictorial journey instead ;) enjoy!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/charlerk/sets/72157602277250806/

DAY ONE----> i could have died of seasickness..(face turned green). "i'm never going to survive the second trip back on the ship! *SCREAMS*" finally reaching the Labuan International Ferry Terminal... i felt like kissing the cement floor i stood upon! hahaha!

there was this reli kewl christian lady whom we call ching yunjie (as in elder sister ching yun)! she let us stay in her house fer three days and two nights! she has this reli fun and quirky character that i reli wanna get to know her more! but iwas abit shy... hehe! so i let Olivia do all the talking.

i had a wonderful time shopping with Olivia and walking around the lil town! amazingly they have pretty big buildings! hahah! no looking down on 'em no more! met Ronald, Fusion , Jacky and their pastor for dinner! then had an amazing karaoke session wit just Claudia and her sis! hahah! so far so fun! hope it'll be better the next two days here!

day two---->woke up and started the morning walking from one end of the lil town to the other! ouch! i got a BLISTER! argh! bought loads of stuff! aiks... then had lunch with the guys along with Terenz, Sharon and CLaudia. typical KFC moment then we went off to visit Olivia's primary skewl! i didnt join her but went off sightseeing with Terenz n Sharon by car. oO~ pretty place to live la~! visited the Water Sports Centre with loadsa fish! then we had a mini car-race to the bird park. had SO MUCH fun playing with all the birds~ hmm.. i had a sporting n prefessional cameraman too! credits to FUSION!

then the guys went off to play basketball, us gurls went to the beach! woOt! gurls noe how to have serious fun! bought chicken wings and bubu-chacha, ate, bathed and chatted wit Olivia till nine. then i fell asleep till ten when i was woken up to go out 'yam cha' with them again. haha! abit embarrassing that i forgot to get Ronald a card for his birthday, so i wrote a note instead and shared a Tshirt with Olivia. at least he looked surprised and reli appreciative. Happy 19th Bday!

Day 3--->woke up abit late...had to quickly wash up and pack my bag then off to breakfast with another collegemate Esther. she's sumone i meet in school without reli knowing her. but now, with Olivia's extensive connections, i discovered she's a real sweetie. hahah! she brought us to her uncle's shop to buy CHOCOLATES AND BOOZE! DUTY FREEEE + DISCOUNT! swoons in delight! i bought so much chocolates and two bottles of 40% Absolut vodka! i'm going to party hard! muahahah! got on the blasted ferry and forced myself to sleep to avoid seasickness...oddly, i didnt experience the overwhelming sensation anymore! WOOOW! hahah! it wud have been a great trip if it werent for the other passengers who kept whistling, kids kept running about and men who kept laughing. IRRITATING! garrr...

cant stop laughing...

2007-09-28T08:34:00.000-07:00

"... the paste which i'm going to apply is actually edible..."

yeaps~ went for a trial mask treatment. and Olivia's mom was reli good at what she does la! and i couldnt stop laughing. i know thats normal but i tried so hard to stop giggling! but the sight of this....

made me laugh like mad.... my collegemate KS was the first to put on the mask made out of sea cucumber,spirulina and cellfood! hahaha! me and Olivia just BURST into laughter! soon the laughing-mania spread to Olivia's mom, lil sister and lil brother! Even funnier was KS trying his best not to laugh while the masking was drying up on his face.

then revenge time! when i had to put on mine~ ohmygosh... i just couldn't stop laughing! it was abit of embarrassment of having green eecky stuff all over ur face and the akwardness of three strangers in the room with us! hahah! they're not strangers la... they were just not reli close... so u'll feel abit shy to look so...*cough* ugly in front of them! hahah!

WAT!? UR KIDDING!?

2007-09-28T07:36:00.000-07:00

i've been teaching lil kids for quite some time. i'm not saying that i'm a professional but i believe that when it comes to teaching lil ones---> that person should be genuine, compassionate and darn dedicated WITH CERTAIN QUALIFICATIONS!

kids are known to be really sensitive to what lies deep down in the heart of the adults teaching them. and they innocently pick it up and learn from it. so, if the adult is someone who likes to lie and cheat, well, the kid will see no wrong in following that trait.

this is the reason why i'm writing this post... i just come to know that people WITHOUT decent qualification are employed by international companies in providing quality educational assitance to lil kids... thats just WRONG! i mean, COME ON?! I pay for my lil sister's tuition fee and i dun mind the price as long as i get PROFESSIONAL or at least QUALIFIED guidance for it!

to think that anyone, fresh outta high skewl and WITHOUT EXPERIENCE! and not even attending a teaching seminar, or teaching a class on their own without first having a mentor... is ABSOLUTELY out of question, WRONG! WROOONG!

down memory lane...just for a while

2007-09-23T04:09:00.000-07:00

i think i'm falling in love with this place week by week. i'm not going to say day by day, cuz that will be just TOO drama-wama~ heheh! can you believe it? i survived so long in KayKay! haha! the capital of Sabah- Land Below the Wind! here's wad happened so far this year...

Form 5! 2006 ---> i remember the catfights *meoow* , gossips , crazy class antics *singing 'balik kampung' while in add math class* , adrenaline pumping misdemeanour*running out of skewl in the full view of the teachers* and the classical show of competing in examinations all the way till AFTER SPM . heart to heart talk with Ben the whole year thru SPM and the best ,three hour talk in CoffeeBean,KayL. FBC youth camp was fantastic! new year celebration in KayL was just...so touching la... sobz. luv my family n frens back there so much!

National Service (PLKN) 2007----> how i cried on the first night in KEM SRI LEDANG, JOHOR. i knew NO ONE! it was situated at the edge of the forest of gunung Puteri Ledang ... with all that fear, it was so easy for me to turn to my bible for emotional support and i made it a habit to talk to Jesus even more often as i can. i made friends really fast and got into the way of NS life really easily. Thank U, Lord for the blessings U've bestowed and being my walking stick and light upon my path. i've made friends which helped me be the best i can be now, and knowing them is such an honour... love ya'all. i remember being chosen to be on the dancing team with the other eleven- forming Akedemi Sri Ledang(ASL) and loving everyone and everytime we had dance practice for the whole three months! camping in the jungle was super la! lets do it again! and all the charity work? gosh... i miss my group of crazy gurls, and the group of sporty-worms, and most of all, my bro n sisters in Christ! the teachers there were fab too...

Starbucks (Centrepoint) ---> sitting there with my fav cup of coffee and reading TEENmag when my elder sis Mandy dared me to take the ongoing interview of new Baristas for Starbucks on the spot! i shrugged, stood up and did it... totally confident in handling the interview which ended up like old-frens meeting up! chatted and laughed non stop~ and i did it! i won the dare! but... after the call from the store manager confirming my training and job, i began to take the idea of working in KK seriously. honestly, its probably the best three weeks of 2007 (so far la...) and i really am happy with the experience gained and the friends made. to coffee, with love!

'P' driver's license! ----> this is like, ONE STEP CLOSER TO FREEDOM! muahahaha! i just LOVE driving...can u tell? i mean, i've been driving since i was in form 2! i remember the first car i drove was a black cefiro! then a volvo,perdana,volvo and while i lived in KK, a range rover, unser,hilux,royal saloon,vigo, mercedez and my very own wira! kekeke! hoping to upgrade reli soon! hehe!

TARcollege ---> i felt reli out of place among all the lala-fied teens and mandarin-dominated student population. i stuck out like a sore thumb. but i forced myself soooo hard to speak mandarin,then life in college improved so much when classes started. made reli good frens, learnt alot! entertaining lecturers plus.. snooker and gossip buddy, Olivia! my clubbing n music addict partner Evelyn~ thus we formed the C.E.O ... credit goes to our english lecturer Mr.Kenny who uses that abbreviation extensively~ "CEO! you three are late! C! whats your answer? E! stop talking to her! O, what are you doing? sms-ing?" then i'm reli reli glad that my frens brought me back to church... yes, ever since i got back to KK, i sumhow decided to not face the loneliness and awkwardness of making new frens and feeling like an oddball in church so i had an hour of quiet time with God EVERYDAY and had lots of bible studying with my brothers-in-Christ online! its fun actually. now i attend church every Sunday like i used to back in KayL. i feel very very happy coming back to the heart of Worship after all these time. and falling in love all over again... haha! he's sumone well respected, man of few words and very knowledgeable ;) sounds crazy but am trying to forget him cuz its just so not possible. I'M BEING REALISTIC! haha! ask me and i'll tell u y~

so! first term college examinations are over and... the holidays are here! woOt~ but reli... i feel that this isnt reli a holiday, in fact,i'm more busy than when i have college to attend. in the morning, i check on the renovations of the new house, go around town to survey n order supplies, study and determine the interior design of the house, still thinking of the best way to fully utilize the garden... and soon will have to start thinking of the furnitures and decorations. gar... then in the afternoon, i often am left with paperwork in the office but am allowed to use the internet! then on Saturdays, i teach lil kids in a tuition centre. busy bumble bee~

my car blues...

2007-09-21T02:48:00.000-07:00

i slept at 4am yesterday... cudnt stop chatting with my friends on MSN and studying on how people actually earn money online. i've heard about it and done it one or twice but... i am a pretty chick. oopz... i mean chicken! i'm absolutely terrified of scams and deepdarkfear of being gunned down by men in black suits with sunglasses. *but they're sooo hot!? swoons*

woke up at eleven in the morning with my lil sister asking if i could send her to skewl so i said yea.. orites. after a bath, i sms-ed my fren while waiting for my mom to get ready to go to the bank. i sent my lil sister with the Toyota Hilux and told my mom, "er.. need to refill la... tank gonna b empty liao~ y korkor dun refill?"

there i was, sitting in the car while my mom was fiddling with the machine n her cards... i sms-ed *omg..isnt that illegal!? shh!* and then i hopped out to help but my mom had already started the pump. so i shrugged and continued sms-ing. i drove towards the highway when... *KLUnK* the engine just died in the middle of the road! my mom shoook her head "i think you still need more practice with a manual car.. tsk tsk!" i tried to start the engine again and said " please la!~ i CAN drive this car without any problems at all!" STILL! the engine would not start! then my mom made a sound and looked at her. " i put in PETROL instead of DIESEL! OMG! I FORGOT! SEI LA SEI LA! lei ge daddy sat ngo lo! *die la die la! your daddy gonna kill me"*

perfect~ we sat there until my stepbrother and the mechanic to save us in the middle of the highway, causing massive traffic jam. o wells~ at least i get to skip on alot of work then eh?

got home and chatted with a collegemate whom i hardly get the chance to speak to. it turned out not as i expected. :) it was a very good chat. showed alot of character and ... understanding. i see a different side of that person. NO BENJAMIN! its not that same person! NO!

wad i'll do this hols

2007-09-20T05:16:00.000-07:00

NO MORE PENCILS, NO MORE BOOKS!

NO MORE TEACHERS BORING LOOKS!

hahaha! thats really how i kept singing after the exams in my evil lil head! FREEEDOOOM! right after the last EXAM paper, we took off to ASIA CITY to skate~ on the way to town, it started raining so very heavily! so i was forced to slow down with all my gurlfrens shireking at me to slow down. *grumbles* i saw the guy i really like at the rink and well, yeah, i become a tad reluctant to go skating then. lots of collegemates started persuading and i was like, " ah! why?! lazy la.. ah...okie la! u pay! hehe"

about half an hour of having friends struggling around in their skates and constant shireking, most of us were happily zipping around the rink. then my eldest sister sms-ed me saying my grandpa is coming down from my dad's farm and wants dinner together! argh.... i had to leave with Olivia. am glad Olivia had enuff of skating already if not i'll feel really bad in cutting her fun short. hehe! my grandfather is just sooo in love with my dad's farm! hahah! he was so excited before going there and now that he's back, he's so dead tired but always all smiles! hahah! he wasnt able to take any pictures cuz he forgot to set the camera to automatic mode instead of taking short video clips! so he had loads of short video clips! hahahahha!

being the project manager, for the new house which dad just bought, is not as easy! argh! i've got to wake up every morning to start the day by opening the balance of the supplies, supervise the workers at the start of the day, contact suppliers and restock. then there is the office which i work as a temporary secretary for my parent's company in the afternoon. and finally, on saturdays, i have my favourite job of the three jobs! TUTORING! lil kids! heheh! well, i'm not stating how much i earn from the three jobs but for honest hardwork, heck! i'm underpaid! yet, its better than not being paid la... HAHAHAH! its enough for me to pay for college life on my own. so yea... i'm grateful for now. hehehe.

what do i do? it sounds crazy... i fell in love with this guy(A) in college. we're nothing but really good friends. not that its bad or anything, but i cant help but feel so sad that A will always treat me as a good fren or 'little sister'. then the other guys who i'm not interested in will move in and stress me out--> telling me how much more better they are than A. sounds petty but after a while, i really can see what they're offerring is so much better than what i'm getting from A. i'm getting so little from A, yet the others have been giving me constant emotional support, driving me around, taking me out for retail therapy, spoiling me rotten with music and endless chit-chatting in the night. i had quite a few sensational dates already... *sighs* life, ur such a bitch, arent u?

out of the blue, some of the guys whom i became very close over the months in national service and from college, they started trying to cross the line between frens to more-than-frens. then two more guys from my high skewl life came back into the present... both claiming they never really let me go. i mean, come on la! u dun expect me to believe that, would u? CANT U MALES BE SATISFIED WITH A PLATONIC RELATIONSHIP WITH A FEMALE?!

i really care deeply about these guys. and i admit, i'm so tempted to accept the offer from only two of them. i really see the sacrifices both of them have made and i'm so touched. *heart melts* but i'm still going to try and work it out first...

as for the others, cant we just be chummy pals we once were before all this hu-ha came about? muahx.

meh?

2007-09-17T03:15:00.000-07:00

my eldest sister and grandfather came over from KL to visit! gosh.. missed them loads la~ luv them to bits! haha! wanted to have lunch with them but i had to go for my tutoring job~ darnit!

now i'm suppose to be studying Business Statistics for my exam tomoro afternoon! argh! i'm not ready yet! i dun think i ever will be ready for an exam actually... heheh!

oh! i went to the annual MidAutumn Festival which is located at FohSang, the chinatown of KK. hahah! it looked exactly like Petaling Street! red lanterns and stalls along the road... was accompanied by college buddy, KS. he's simply the most hilarious fello i've ever met. now, being hilarious does not mean he's a complete idiot. he proved to be very knowledgeable and had quite a compassionate heart. i think that is what most guys lack these days. hahah! i wanted to buy dad a calligraphy painting but o wells, i wasnt very impressed when the sifu said, "wait ar, i'll go find ur surname." so he went to his car and took out a box full of pre-written calligraph pieces of chinese surnames and their meanings! i was thinking = this is not what i'm in for man... i want the piece of the action! i wanna see u write it out! i want LIVE action then i'll buy it! noo~ " and then after ten minutes of digging thru the box, the assistant said, " hehe... dun have wor~" i was dissappointed but he took my number and said he'll call when its done. o wells, better than nuthin. kekekek~ its nice la! i love calligraphy!

i love dinner with good company. xp

semester end blues

2007-09-11T22:25:00.000-07:00

here i am trying my very best not to fall asleep typing these words out... " HAPPY 18TH BURFDAY BEN!" da party aint dead just yet~! woOot~! hahah! continue having fun aites? gosh... how many years already? not too long actually... but we've been thru thick n thin enuff for a frenship of twenty years no? i think telekom loves us both! hahahah! sorry about the parcel man... i forgot to jot down ur name! or anyones name! ahhhhhhhhhhh~

yesh... FOUR DOWN AND JUST TWO MORE TO GO! down with hubungan etnik,english,accounts and BIT! arhaha! FREEDOM, HERE I COME! and right after the last paper, Business Statistics(18th sept)! i dun care! i'm going to go off with me buddies to party all day till night! heck! it'll be the last day of the first semester in colllege! hahahah! HISTORICAL EVENT! wheee~ lets go skating peeps! then wad? movies! dinner! clubbing *very very optional!* shopping! wooOoot!

i cant believe first semester is nearly over! ohmigosh... its like, the hectic college life is already a norm and u expect me to stop? wad? a holiday? i dunno man... dunno if i can survive it la! hahahah! three weeks of it?! three weeks of lazing around? ohmygosh... it sounds tooooo good to be true yet... i wanna go to college!

hahaha! honestly... i might moan and bitch about college being way too hectic and stressful plus hating it but unconciously, i'm actually extremely happy in it! happy with the loads of assignments, projects, presentations and extra activities! hmm... lets see wad second semester has in store fer me eh? yumz!

#1 college exam! woOt~

2007-09-08T23:51:00.000-07:00

oh shyt.... i just found out that i made a major mistake in my hubungan etnik exam paper! i dun reli know if it is major or minor mistake... but it'll cost me a neat 20 marks! omg! ahhhh! ow noooo! there goes my freeee A paper~! *tooooooot!* o wells. i guess i'll just divert my attention on sumthing that i can still score~

English Language exam paper was orite. i'm being modest. i know. kekeke! though i was not rushing, i completed it in forty minutes after having checked my answer booklet twice! *grins* then i raised my hand discreetly for the second time, the invigilator came and handed me another answer booklet. i just shook my head and whispered "finished." she gave me a reli odd look, took my answer booklet and stood there reading my answer! i was pretty shocked. i was like ELLO?LET ME OUTTA THIS HALL!? in my head but then i just smiled and whispered " may i go out now?" she was smiled and sed " o okay. make sure u close the door and not slam." again i was like "WAD!?"

fine fine... i got outta there and i actually giggled outside the exam hall! so much for panicking in the early morning... wheekekek! then there was this guy whom i'm actually a bit scared of... we call him Panda or 'yi bai hao' (number100) he got out of the exam hall just before me and i was about to walk past him when he asked : "weii~ nie jiang kuai de?(you so fast?)" then i muttered : " hmm. ya. you?" " wo mei you chuo de( i didnt do)" omg...... sweat!

skating hurts la...

2007-09-03T21:38:00.000-07:00

its the study week! ahhh! that would mean... exams starts next week! OMG.OMG.OMG! study charlotte STUDY! hahha! right after the microeconomics revision class, Prince tempted me to go to the skating rink at Asia City, rather undecisive i was. Dora agreed to come along and then pop comes Olivia! hahah! i guess i was orite about going right then~

had to drive home first cuz my Wira was blowing hot air instead of cold! Prince and i was like "WTH!?" and Dora innocently asked "why so hot already wan?" and Olivia goes "ya hor?" so funny lar~ switched to the Merc and we all sighed in relief with the cold blasts of air~ got there a bit late so... had lunch first and did a bit of shopping b4 skating.

SKATING HURTS LA! but its really fun, i guess. haha! met a familiar face but i just couldnt remember where i met her from. so when i was skating around, i saw this gurl again who seemed to be having a real hard time reaching the wall from the middle of the rink. helped her then said : " are you from college? " she laughed " no lah~ we met in church ,remember?" then i was like " OWH! i remember! sorry sorry!" then her name popped up - Lily!

so i helped Lily around the rink twice and i fell hard on my butt once when i lost balance trying to pull her up. hahah! Prince was really good, flying around the rink. awww... and he was pretty sweet with the kids - helping them up and teaching them. Olivia was a lil sick so she decided to be the photographer. and when the two hours of skating was up, prince and i got out and found that, Olivia had gone off with my hangbag and car keys?! oh! ' how wonderful '. she didnt bring her handphone and so we sat there waiting for half an hour! she came back with a smile and said, "shopping!" gosh! u shud've seen our faces! just gob-smacked..

i'm still amazed.

2007-09-02T18:44:00.000-07:00

this is my first time attending a youth conference in KK. i admit, i was very reluctant to go at first. that is probably bcuz i have such BAAAAAAD experience years ago. the ones where u sit for four straight hours listening to sumthing u already know but cant apply in ur daily life stuff. and not forgetting the one i attended last time that cost me RM75! *see my money fly*

but with great friends like Christy n Fusion pestering/encouraging me to go, i was like : "o please...do i have to? really ah? but its so close to exams! oh man... ok la! ok la!" though i registered and paid two weeks ago, i was still wondering ... shud i go? its a WHOLE day event... can i commit? will i benefit from it? i prayed about it that sunday and still felt unsure.

i often forget that i have already agreed to go. but oddly enuff, there were so many times in the last 2 weeks, frens like Zavier, Oli, Eve, Christy n Fusion will just remind me about it out of the blue! and i'll just say a silent prayer of thanks. STILL, I DIDNT KNOW IF I SHUD GO O NOT. haha!

the first of September started off with Jackie Chan singing Beautiful Myth (direct translation of the chinese title- mei li de shen hua). i woke up and prayed... happy that i'm still alive! hahah! and i prayed for a SIGN from God to help me decide if i shud attend the church event. i went downstairs to do house chores and drove my lil sister to karate class. then while i was driving my dad's mercedez ( iLOVEthiscarrrr) ... an sms from Zavier popped up. i know i shudnt touch my hp when i drive but its habit la. OMG! God really gave me a sign. then Fusion n Christy called me! ohmygoodness.... another sign! "orite Daddy in heaven,i believe u! i'm going! i'm going!" so yeah, i took a bath, had a cuppa and drove off to pick the couple to church.

it was THE most enlightening experience. this is an understatement. really. it was so impactful in my life and i bet everyone else was touched by His words! for the first time, the problems i faced for such a long time are answered. the questions that i've been asking myself for years and too embarrassed to ask others is answered. after attending so many talks, i'm so thankful of this one that i attended. yes, i benefited sooo much from it. i committed myself to it. and i gained more knowledge and understanding of being a child of God.

and the pastor--> Jaeson Ma (kewl name eh?) wasnt ur typical pastor. really young, and is it okay to say he's really cute? thank goodness it was in english!!! hahaha! or i would be laughing at the wrong things. yes... the chinese here is so.... classy. really! its super high class (really advanced level of mandarin! most of the time in normal mandarin worship sessions, i wud look a bit like this @.@ ) so THANK YOU, GOD! its in english!

pastor Jaeson was extremely animated in words and actions. the translator was a senior church member who is rather modest and thoughwas uncomfortable abt translating some words into chinese such as pornography , he sed unapproriate books and masturbation, he sed do it urself. funny man! the older fello soon loosened up and imitated the voice n action of the younger ABC (american born chinese) pastor.

the message was clear n straight to the point. they touched on topics and issues of the NOW generation. like i sed, the word of God cudnt haven been presented any better. that was rock solid 6-star!

worship was fab from three different churches. my favourite part. i think i'm the happiest when it comes to music. gosh... i feel like learning the drums n guitar again la! ahhhh! John! Lily! where art thou!? no i dowan to stick to just organ n singing! haha! please dun say u've given up on me! hahaha! peace ^^V ---> pastor Jaeson Ma style

2007-09-02T06:40:00.000-07:00

the movie Ratatouille was really funny! hahah! not the best as it was a bit long-winded at parts and having a really typical storyline. but it was hilarious. i wud prob give it a 3 and a half outta 5.

moving on~ i know i'm a bit late but heck, bcuz i'm Malaysian, MERDEKA!!! spent the earlier part of the dining and ...believe it or not! playing monopoly! with my parents and lil sister! haha! then we got out of the house just before midnight and watched the fireworks just outside the padang merdeka! WHOA~ the sound was really frightening la~ everyone else was also flinching everytime a firework was set off. and then we would all go "...... WAAAA" as we watch the firework display. JUST as the show ended... its simply amazing! u see throngs of people running and some walking briskly to their cars from the field towards us who are on the shoulders of the main road. trying to get away before the traffic jam starts! i started laughing and then the other families on the back of their own cars started laughing. great fun to share laughter , no?

then the very next day, i spent the whole day sms-ing n calling my old NS frens and teachers. o gosh.. it was so fun talking to them again! sighs... miss them. i spoke to one of my classroom teachers and had a blast for almost an hour! hahah! planning to visit them in johor this december with some of the other NS trainees! woot!

nuh-uh.

2007-08-29T19:21:00.000-07:00

i sometimes hate myself for being so faithful and loyal. i'm not talking religion right now. yet so many people tell me about how great it is to have such qualities. blessed yet cursed.

saying YES to a relationship means commitment and trust. and the most important of all, u reli feel the intense feeling of love for the other. i admit i feel that for him..still. it lasted three years though we were never the exclusive couple. but spending time with him was such incredible experience. no regrets.

we didnt have to go around announcing to the world we were an item. we were OURSELVES whenever wherever. being christians, we knew the limits yet that wasnt an obstacle. we prayed together and were satisfied with hugs,occasional pecks on the nose/forehead and holding hands. haha! there was ONCE we were tempted but i'm glad we got outta it real quick. taking care when sick, studying together and just being happy with the little things said n done plus given. i think that showed so much.

even after our silent agreement to part ways, we still cared for one anothers feeling. until now, we both have yet to commit ourselves to another partner... knowing that our own wounds have not fully recovered n not wanting to offer the future guy/gurl broken bits or leftover of the heart. its like, i want to give him all my heart or nothing at all. now that my heart is still broken but alredi near completion of mending. i'm waiting till its whole once more till i'm prepared to give it out again. but of course, after a very serious consideration and careful assessment la. haha!

and now i see a handful of people i know just jumping in n out of relationships like its a game of pepsi-cola! hahah! u noe d game? "pepsi cola one two three! *jumps*" the game is to step on ur opponents foot. such fun! yet utter foolishness... going all out to have our clean white skewl shoes all durty! haha!

its amazing... how i misjudged these people... i wont say that i'm dissappointed in them but rather in myself. lets just say, i wont let myself be too close or associated with them. cuz that wud be exactly like surrounding myself with bad examples or temptation. i've always wondered how can one be so insensitive to another person's feelings just after a breakup? and whats more... a gurl. no doubt the guy shares d blame as well. i am disgusted and have i not learnt from my mistakes back in the past... i wud gladly launch an attack on her like wat i've done a few years ago to another and i'll make sure its intensified by ten. i'm surprised that such a decent looking person turned out to be the absolute opposite! alright. enuff said. *nauseated*

PETTY MATTER MADE BIG.

2007-08-17T03:31:00.000-07:00

there is a music video in which a very talented chinese student from Malaysia remixes and adds some 'oomph' into the National Anthem , the NEGARAKU. he has definitely done his homework while writing this song. FYI, he DID NOT alter the national anthem's lyrics! what is wrong with him expressing his opinions thru his music? he's obviously very talented... so let him be la...everything he says in the music video isnt nonsence or biased or even racist. thats probably because i,too see Malaysia the same way as he does! its d Malaysian way of life!

the police are called MATA in a certain mandarin dialect, and they do accept RASUAH! nobody is perfect therfore why so offended? its the truth anyways... me being a driver who encounter MANY humans crossing the roads on a daily basis, i find it true that there really are those certain people who cross the road without looking left or right, walking at a pace so slow as though they're saying " this is MY road so give way! Knock me down and you KNOW you're going to lose in court." pressing the honk doesnt even help as they just turn n look at you with annoyed expressions.

the government always emphasise on the importance of harmony between the many races in Malaysia but really, do u really think they're doin wad they're trying to implant in us? racial harmony? i guess we have to admit, its either they stink at what they do, or they're reli not doing anything at all. and yes, i agree that the workers in the government sector are way too pampered and to me, inconsiderate! they just sit there, 'try' to help you out, do next-to-nothing amount of work, start late-leave sharp at five, chitchat, eat kuih-muih, long tea-breaks, talk on the phone, take naps, day dream and collect their very 'hard earned' paychecks. A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!

NOT accepting the apology from the teen or the father is absolutely illogical! WHAT!? what else do u want from them? sing another song and post it online, with words n phrases of apology to the government and singing it praises? geez la! i think community service and counseling is enuff. whatever happened to freedom of speech? or acknowledging plain normal teen-mischief? in fact, he did a video which is reli impressive of sceneries and cultural event in this country, a hundred times better than the ones showed on TV to promote- Visit Malaysia Year 2007!

its so sad to know that the government is making such a big fuss over this petty matter when they shud be concentrating on improving the works of their departments and managing the country's economy better. like ALOT of people who have witnessed wads been said and done, WE KNOW WHO TO VOTE in this coming election!

2007-08-15T11:13:00.000-07:00

i dun usually write about maggots. er...for those of u who are still very blur.... maggots is a nickname in which i have given with blessings and much love to mybestfren Benjamin, also known as kai. had a lot to talk to him these two months. rather eventful eh? glad to be of help. well, not that i was much but yeah. thanks fer always being there to clear up some of the shyt up in the brain area. haha!

been thinking of wad u sed, going overseas. its getting more and more appealing everyday. yet with all its benefits, i still am an old soul or a homing pidgeon. take ur pick. but i'll bet we both wudnt know which suits me better until we both get outta here.

remember about the guy i'm in love with in college? u sed sumthing really impactful again. how wud i know until i've tried. good one. well, i'm not keen on risking everything again. done that once and gosh, it burns. we're still young, people. no need to rush. unless u believe in finder's keepers. i , for one, do not believe in that. not all loser's are weepers.

loadsa ppl have three or four best friends. i gotta admit, i have alot of friends. a decent amount of good friends. a healthy spoonful of true friends. a teaspoon of best friends. but seriously, just one true best friend- hence with much love n blessing, introducing maggots --> Benjamin/kai. i think we can reli say that , we've been thru it all huh? i still cant help but laugh at how we first met. smile at all the mixed up sets of memories thruout the years. time flies no? chill, in a years time... i'mma plant my two feet back in the peninsular. hahahah!

i'm still am laughing and quite shocked at what ur mom sed. abt u and me. come to think about it... all i can say is WAD? EWWW! no way lah!

when two hands n a brain isnt enuff

2007-08-14T01:24:00.000-07:00

i'll quit complaining of the college work load. but now, i'll complain of my extra curricular activities. i hate it when they say they know how to handle it but in the end, do everything last minute and screech for help. then there are those people who will always remind u that, this is not their job to do and will not do it unless credit hours can be gained. and there are those who agree to tasks assigned to them but fail to complete it. currently, running a very hectic two week long of english language related programmes. lots to do.. lots to do...

eating claypot noodles under a shady tree after lecture...Olivia,me n Evelyn

we look like a buncha crazy goons in class.

in another matter, how odd that there are actually guys that still bitch about others... its usually left to the more feminine gender to rouse up trouble that way. wait! WAIT! that would mean.... the fella is obviously a bit of a sissy. make that a total nitwit or a complete (in malaysian terms) pondan. sad.. like i always say, never judge a book by its cover. this nincompoop may look all macho and intimidating... well, he reli isnt. he gains attention by inflicting pain to others, or rather hurling accusations to another. he should be ashamed of himself. and of his actions. degrading himself to use my name on my tagboard to hurt others. sad but true, such losers still exist. and who is at greater lost? the gurls who fall fer such pathetic wimps.

for me, that is.

2007-08-01T21:22:00.000-07:00

Lucky, the lil mongrel had just destroyed the last of my BEAUTIFUL sandals! it was the last one with indian beads on the top! i glared at him and all he did was look back then rolled around on his back, inviting a belly rub. *rolls eyes* " stupid spoilt mutt"

assignments, presentations and tests are flowing in by the heaps! save me! really, college wasnt suppose to be like this... or is it? hahahah! no doubt i still have fun but argh! must it be o-s0-rushing!? honestly, i am enjoying college life with all its crazy schedules, tutorials and daily scrambling of car-parks!

i'm pretty happy that i'm attending service on Sundays. being amidst brothers n sisters in Christ. never felt as good. then having breakfast with friends. i love KK life already. tee heez

crushing on this guy was pretty easy. he's simple, God-loving and o-so-funny! fits my bill perfectly. but rather hard to get la. he's too.... good? no... i hardly ever judge one's look la. and another bit is, there are three guys unto me... hahaha! they dun fit my bill at all! uselessss.... why isnt there a potion making book really like the one used by Harry Potter in the book -The Half Blood Prince!? i want that advance-potion making book la! i want that lucky potion and the love potions! for pretty obvious reasons la ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

got a BBQ party to host, a job to enslave myself in, and a college to dedicate my brain to all in the same day = this Saturday! and on the very next day, gotta wake up early to church and after that? shopping in the almost too-famous Gaya street, a flea market. :) life's good. yes, for me that is. wad a fib.

right now...

2007-07-17T22:20:00.000-07:00

It’s really hard to explain it but yes, I’m still gonna try telling ya’ll why I’m so darned happy!!!

dun u just love this pic? >;)

Ever since I moved back here(kk), I didn’t attend church. No doubt that I still read the bible and sing His praises nearly everyday but still felt it wasn’t enough. I felt so bad and guilty. I disregarded that feeling for a WHOLE year for the sake of SPM and I guess I’ve paid the price of putting education first rather than to God-first.

Finally, I attended the mandarin service with my good college friend, Christy and I felt a lot better. I apologized and thanked God over and over again. I felt free and renewed. And the pastor spoke about living the word and I noticed how much I missed these spiritual nourishment. Haha! I was lost about half the time due to the fact that I hardly am familiar with such high class mandarin! Still! I was able to read most of the notes and caught bits and pieces! OHMIGOSH! I was pretty proud of myself on being able to read and understand Chinese after years of being a called a banana or an ABC! Hahah! I saw another familiar face in that church too – Zavier. ;) impressive drummer! Very interesting character. So yeah… am still very happy about going to church. Hopefully I’ll be able to just keep going. Haha!

I’m losing out on juggling college, work and family life altogether. I have this urge to just scream and say “ I quit! Not gonna work for you anymore!” but responsibility has gotten me all tied up so I just continue working for my parent’s company. And as for Saturdays, its pure joy tutoring those lil monsters in English classes. College work is piling up a bit too fast for my snail rate….hehe! and as for family life? well, there’s not much left of it. Mandy has gone to KL to study Physiotherapy. Eldest sister is also in KL studying psychology. So there is only mom, lil sis and me left at home. Where as dad comes down in the weekends. Haihs…

Still am crushing on that guy. I told Christy : “ I think I’ve got a crush on that guy la” and she gave me a look and muttered : “crush? Whats that?” I cant help but laugh : “its more than like, less than love.” “ Ooo… admire/ an lien laa!” “yeah~ *grins*” so far, only the three of us gurlies know about who he really is… two has made me bets! Hahaha! how hilarious… sushi and being slave-driver is on the line! I’m hoping I win though… I might lose on the sushi but heck… I gain the fello~ but then…petrol is getting a bit too pricey! Choices choices! I got a new bag and shades! A blue Roxy bag and a Vincci black shades! Wheee~ I’ll be skipping on two tests on both Saturdays because I’ve got my tutoring class! Heheh! So I get to take it earlier or later… I hate skipping work… gar.. .gottago… am worried about Benniemaroo…but aren’t I always? Muax ya’ll!

i'm into it...oopz- HIM!

2007-07-08T03:17:00.000-07:00

i hate people who use the word - ' i love you' extensively. believe me. its like the person is trying to reassure himself rather than to proclaim their undying love to their partners. they say it to their partner, to their best friends, to their pets, to their sibling , on the net and even on their books! PDA is orite wit me but plz dun go overboard and make us NORMAL people cringe everytime we hear u say it to ur partner,see u kiss explicitly in public,groping or write it on walls and doors! the words are getting cheap.

and why o why? did i think that getting posts in college is just like in high school where most of the work is simple and in the end, we get high grades nearly effortlessly! here i am struggling with three posts - president, vice secretary and assistant course representative on the very first term of college! ARGH! what is this? i have to apply to use a classroom a week before?! agreement/recommendation from advisors first!? and i have to distribute the credit hours to members?! i cant hog it all to myself!? wad if i reli want to work my butt off? wad happens then? all for nothing? crazy la....

i'm in the same class as him...so EVERYDAY i see him...talk to him.....same group with him in one of the projects... yet... OMG! this is nearly the same way i meet the KL guy long ago! but i gotta admit... that love for him is slowly diminishing. i know it sounds crazy but it has been six years... so i think it has got to go one day or another right? maybe this guy right here in my college is sumone better? he has everything and a lil bit more than the previous one. great Christian, attractive personality, studious and i love it when he is sleepy! so blur and the look is sooo cute la! OKOK! enuff details! haha

i know studies is very important! *rolls eyes with a grin* but can u blame this heart? who yearns for so much more than what its getting now... there is so many things about the guy that just never cease to mesmerize me... his passion for Christ, his caring sensitive ways, knows how to have fun, great help in studies, gee wheez... he's got sexy hair n shoulders! hahha! orite~! thats all the details for now. ;)

lotsa misses!

2007-07-04T20:40:00.000-07:00

in dependence is fun. though i gotta admit i havent got the whole package from my parents but at least i'm getting there. now the last step in achieving the highest possible level of independence right here in KK is to live outside the my parent's home. the best bit? i have the perfect place to live as well as a decent reason. my dad has got a semi-D which he gave me to manage as a project! nyahaha! now i've got the idea to rent it out to college students who have financial problems. do i sound evil or sympathetic? actually i'm trying to be both yet its just me trying to help others out. i'm renting it out at dirt cheap price with rooms completed with airconditioning, beds, built in cupboards, streamyx, astro and transportation. plus its situated in the middle of two China towns! all this for?

get ready for the pricing! TA DAA! RM250! thats it. nuthin else! hehehe! i'm crazy. but at l;east i'm happy right? muahahah! now all i have to do is watch the progression of the minor renovations and think of the best possible way to break it to my father. mom is cool with me living outta the house. no surprise there. we both understand why it might be for the best. or the world would just have to keep putting up with sudden scream and screeches in the middle of the night. havent been online for sooo long.

its like being on drugs after five years on hold! NO i dun do drugs! never will. hmm... it was just me describing the estactically high feeling i am feeling now. crazy isnt it?

miss my online buddies as well as my kl frens. i'll be back soon! wheee thats all i reli am looking forward now. i bought two sets of tickets back to KL. its like a back up plan! hahaha! so if i miss the one ine...well, i shudnt say when i'm going back. heheh! i might jsut go PEEKABOOO in front of ya!

i got three invites to a date thus far this week. am feeling good. watched transformers. it rocked my toe-varnish off! so obviously my socks have been rocked off too. hahahah! miss crapping sesssion! eh! i had one last night with maggot but... aww... cheer up kay? glad i was able to help even if it was a teenie weenie bit. dun lie to me if i didnt cheer u up kay? just say it next time. all the best to ya'all. college life has got alot of me getting used to. taaaa!

unwritten rules of dating

2007-06-25T05:26:00.000-07:00

out of action fer a while. blame it all on education. i am but its slave.

if i could scream like a cartoon, i would probably scream out loud...." ohmygosh! say what!? really! o thank you! i love you all!" then i might pause for a while and go.. " wait! i don't want that! NO! i dont want it! i dont wanna work! noooo" <----translation - i got voted as vice secretary of Christian Fellowship and president of the English Language Society. i like the idea of being able to speedily gain extra curicular credit hours but to be holding my neck out for the chopping knife isnt in my list of i-wanna-do's.

two minor crushes in college. not gonna reveal their names...D'OH! the one that i might prefer talking to is a lil.. short for a guy. still he's taller than me lar! he's got the funniest jokes and has the good boy looks but is the total opposite~ while the other guy is an eye candy. he's like the LaLa version of Johnny Depp... quirky personality, mysterious eyes and... a hot physique~ *swoons* but like i said, minor crushes~ i still love that one guy from long ago. sigh*

college life is rocking... i am pretty amazed at what i've accomplished thus far. i get to drive at the speed of 0 - 110 kph every morning, listen to lectures, eat my brunch with friends, learnt to play snooker, study in the library, drop by the malls with friends and then head on home after fetching the kid. from skewl. i guess life does brighten up after high school huh? ;) like my grandpa sed, " you're like a bird. a free bird. always out of the nest."

i may not be able to solve all my friend's problems. but i do give my all when asked for help. yet my father favourite words are " trust not a single soul and never be too kind " . i know there is a tag upon those words saying - "terms and conditions apply!" yet when a friend comes to me and tells me their problems, i cant help but feel a must to make them feel better and if able to, help them through the problem. not that i find it troublesome, but rather left wondering why i feel so...obligated to help them? cant i just say no? is there anyone that feels the same as i do, being burdened by so many problems that are not my own! but i cant possibly tell my frens, " HEY! STOP SPILLING AND START BOTTLING UP THOSE PROBLEMS LA!" as much as i want to do that, i know i wont do that. and i do doubt i will EVER do that to any of my best friends. but i reli might consider yelling at those whom i am not AT ALL close to. they have got to be just attention deprived! no one in their right mind would talk about their problems in just less than two days okay! its just WRONG! AHHHHHH!

lotsa assignments... three projects...two posts...one heart= MAJOR BURDENED! but heck, i'm enjoying life. hahah! i know to have fun when the going gets tough~

some guys are just too stupid for they're own good. there is this one guy who calls me SEVERAL TIMES a week, just to talk and try to invite me out. when he fails at that,he proceeds to invite my best gurlfren out. when that fails, he goes after one more gurl which i dun reli noe. and when this one fails to accept his invitation, he goes to cyber cafe and tries to stalk us online. or he drives to our houses or! best bit! he cries on the phone.

PSYCHOMANIAC! he shud be arrested! left in a mental institution to get help! hahaha! and the most gross bit is! he acts all gentlemanly but there was one date which he broke one of the few unwritten dating rules! DONT TOUCH ME, DAMNIT!

i cant blieve Albruzzi(Prison Break) died! ahh!

2007-06-12T04:15:00.000-07:00

dun u hate the EMO moods u suddenly get once in a while? well, i've getting this quite often lately. been feeling the i-miss-my-o-frens-and-where-has-d-gud-o-days-gone moodswings. i can just sit here for hours trying to convey and express how i feel but it doesnt and never will the same as talking face to face with a good/best fren.

not that i dun have friends, its more like . i have not met the right ones here. those that u can just sit there and talk about everything and nothing at all. i have yet to meet anyone else with the same frequency as i. and the most forehead-slapping things is, i have found NOT ONE, BUT TWO! people with the EXACT same frequencies as me! those two being Ben and Georgine, but they're in KL. across the friggin sea. two and a half hours flight away. a very expensive call away. and we're all being buried under the very hectic college lifestyles. sighs...
i noticed ever since i ranted of HIM(previous post) - i'm totally over him. hehe! made me realise how loser-ific he is. and kai? thanks fer not saying 'i told u so' ... was expecting that though~ *sticks out tongue* nyehehehe! i still cant believe u figured that out so fast... i didnt even REALISE that! gosh... dun bother self praising, man. that only applies fer me! since i'm letting you off the hook of the 'two week' promise thingymajig~

college life is rather boring... i mean, there's lots to do. finally some mental stimulation! but its still boring... gah! cant put it to words! haha! i miss friends... be it from the office, Starbucks,high skewl or college... i miss having fun like last time...

freshie nite

2007-06-09T09:36:00.000-07:00

used to blog AT LEAST three times a week. now its like, down to just once a week. believe it or not... it feels good. being able to just sit in cafes chatting with friends, hanging out in the malls, practicing the group performance and just revising my lecture notes. a nice change, really. odd isnt it?

haha oh! FRESHIE NIGHT! hehe! FINALLY! i get to party once again in SABAH! woOot! sure enough~ i was badly dissappointed. i took a super speedin-bullet of a taxi just to get me to my home and to college which didnt come cheaply, only to find... a rather pathetically or tastelessly decorated hall. what was worse was... no dance floor. *hands a knife to a stranger* "just do us all a favour - get rid of this whiny complaining woman before you~"

i rolled my eyes "think positive , Char... dun let it ruin ur day!" my mood wasnt exactly top notch, but heck... i love to laugh and play so it was easy...blended in but was still thinking of dancing since it is my biggest 'Y-E-S' when it comes to having fun. but still managed to enjoy the rest of the night simply for the company of friends nonetheless.

taking loads of pictures in one of the classroom which was also our unisex dressing room for our dance performance. haha! the guys were the one who yelled: "oui gurls! look away eh! " and obviously the gurls retorted : " what have you got that we dont know or never seen before ah?" our dance was satisfying good. not the best but hmm... its all about having fun right? haha! it turned out quite well. thinking back, we actually had only four day to practice and the rest of the days just planning. hahah!

attended S'Bucks Summer party, hmm.. gotta say it isnt very party-like but it was enlightening and was able to meet with my very looong-lost friend! awww... we're all grown up! haha! i do miss the job there. miss making mistakes! haha! seriously! i dun mean the mistakes you make on purpose but those really honest mistakes like adding milk to a non-milk beverage or forgetting to put an extra shot of espresso. heehe! HONEST mistakes. and just having great characters around to work with. even if it isnt always ALL smiles but at the end of the day, you know that u enjoyed/suffered the shift with ur mates and learn a thing or two everyday.

enjoyed the drive back home after having a drink with friends at Damai, (for those who aren't from KK - Damai is like, THE place to mamak) Alex seriously speeeeeds. it was pretty fun actually. haha! and the best part is? his speed-o-meter is dead. ;) his gas-meter is crazy! - sumtimes full,sumtimes empty! haha! and..... he's a full fledged mechanic! he's been in the trade since standard three! thats impressive lar~ the car was going so fast, it felt as though the wheels werent making much contact with the road. i was holding on to the seat but enjoying the passing night scenery. hahah~ he made it to my house from Dogonggon in record-breaking time of -->17 minutes. thats might be the same as from Bangsar to Kajang.

i know it was pretty dangerous but.. eeyerr... it was fun la! and he's the expert with cars and with lotsa driving experience! haha! bleh~

RANT OF THE DAY *i cant believe i actually had a crush on that guy la! Ew~! he's getting too comfy and showing his true colours. and right now, i really dont like wad i see or know of him! why cudnt he just be himself? drop the effing accent! and please grow up la, acting cute is for gurls or for naturals only! and the most important of ALLL, gawd... do i really have to say this? get rid of that offensive body odor! gross~! and its so odd, how can he NOT know that we just dont think his ideas are as fantastic or useful as he suggests it to be? or the fact that we are often irritated that he keeps interfering the flow of conversations and tries to rearrange our dance formations! garrr... and can someone please tell him - the way he dances is just waaaay off for a guy~! or a gurl! *

the PMJ xperience

2007-06-04T08:40:00.000-07:00

i passed. THANK YOU GOD~! i prayed the night before and the morning i woke up and then continue all the way to the minute i finished the first obstacle - the hill. and i was gasping, for JOY! hahahaah!

i then went on for the next two obstacles. having the car engine die on me during side parking was probably the most nerve wrecking thing to happen when i was full of jittery nerves. then i made the BIGGEST BOO-BOO by completing the three pointer without a PERSONAL handwave of her highness *sarcasm please*.

assuming that i can trust her little minion by her side, i went on with my final obstacle , i did as i was waved at to do. next thing i knew was, the policewoman aka her highness, was asking me : "siape panggil kamu buat tige penjuru tanpa izin i?" i was gasping again, not in joy but in panic this time.or rather of humiliation as it was infront of a lil over fifty other participants. i said : " i didnt know. i thought i saw him wave at me to go on!" and the lil minion shook his head and said : "i was waving at the guy at the back of u to park closer." i started tearing and said, "ohmygosh, i'm sorry. can i do it again?" and ALL the lady said was... "come back next week tuesday " as she handed me my documents. SHYT.

feeling all dissappointed, i walked uphill towards the office.i glanced down at the forms in my hands and saw... "LULUS".... gosh,i hate that woman.

went to Starbucks after having lotsa pictures washed. Zaidi cudnt believe i passed my driving test! "UNBELIEVABLE!" he said out loud. hahaha! and they ran outta chocolate chips :( cant have my usual favourite Java Chip Frap. o wells, u cant have everything so

settled with an iced chocolate. enjoyed talking with Nizam. such a quirky and cheerful fello. cant help smiling when ur around him. haha! chitchatted with Yvon for quite a long time. Talissa congratulated me and yea, she sucha sweetie as well. *hugs* i cant believe my Adidas bag strap is torn! it looks as though sumone tried cutting it with a knife but failed. i had to use a lighter to patch it up again. hmm.... i could have been robbed?

please lemme pass! pretty plz!

2007-06-04T01:15:00.000-07:00

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!
LET ME PASS MY DRIVING TEST!
PLEEEEAAASSSEEEEEE! its today! i'm skipping three classes of college today,
just for it.. so please pray for me that i pass... pleaseeeeeeeee....

i know i drive illegally without license sometimes
but, it was all for good reasons right?
sending lil sister to skewl, banking and attending meetings...
good reasons...right? i didnt go clubbing or speeding with it...
tho i burned the tyres a few times cuz i hate braking!
i find manual cars troublesome even though it can go
soooo much faster and all, but i dun go very fast all the time!
so ... JUST LEMME PASS LA DAMNIT! I'M SO EFFING
FRUSTRATED! NERVOUS! AHHHHHHHHH! please...

drinks are on me in Starbucks if i pass people!
*this only applies if ur my fren in Sabah ;)

happy birthday Nizam!

2007-06-02T06:03:00.000-07:00

woken up by Kelly Clarkson's Because of You....i wondered who would change my police siren alarm ringtone. SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST SO ITCHY FINGER-ED! about to press the red button on the handphone but the name Tyler kept flashing on the screen. then it hit me----> a phone call !

"ello?"
"where are u? i'm at the stadium already...but which cafe? the one near the football field? or the opposite?"
"er....er....*pauses fer quite some time* the one in front of the swimming pool? will be there soon."

flew across the room, showered and dressed. ran down the stairs, grabbed a cuppa and burst into the office to call one of the minions but... oh... today is Saturday right? shucks... no little kuli to send me there... burning the tyres of the Mercedez at TWO roundabouts. i got there in less than five minutes. heheh! fab experience. i was late anyway. i absolutely forgot there was a meeting for our performance..

met up wit Michelle, Tyler and Olivia. discussed and arranged the dance moves over drinks and banana chips. practiced for half an hour and... hehe! got lazy. decided to just have fun in KK. so i went home , change of clothes ( how vain!) and had Olivia drive. her driving is good.. hehe! KUDOS to u!

for the first time... YES LA! my FIRST time in an arcade. thanks to my fear of being robbed, and the stories of people planting lil needles with the tips smeared with blood containing HIV on the seats or buttons. but i faced my fears and gave the green light for my buddies to take me to their 'world'. "bring me to ur leader" wanted to play snooker but it was full so we went and play virtual car racings... greg and tyler lost to OLIVIA! i was gobsmacked... hahah! gurl power eh? *smirks*

HAPPY 23RD BIRTHDAY, NIZAM! WoOoT! wishing u all the best in life! may all ya wishes come true! hope u enjoyed today as much as i did! ;) special thanks to Gregory for helping me choose the right cake! and those who made the day so very memorable! and see you soon, Jazil! outta sight, hopefully not outta mind. haha! take care!

bus ride+dance+laptops

2007-05-28T05:06:00.000-07:00

i dun understand why!? they get SOOO worried when they hear that i was going to ride the bus back home... doesnt everyone do that once in a while..or every other day? we do get exposed to criminals every darn day of our lives... accidents happen... and fate is, well, FATE LA!

please dun come along and say, " i'm going to accompany u cuz i'm worried u'll get lost/u'll get robbed/sumthing happens to u." THANK YOU for ur concern,dear friends but i really can survive a mere.... bus ride..home.... alone.... *sings the song* what will be, will be~

college life thus far is hectic but enlightening nevertheless. well, i'm paying good money for that right!? had performance practice with my group since 8 in the mornin'. hilarious bunch, i tell u.luv 'em to bits! we got loads of ideas together and in two days, we got the whole dance plans laid out nicely... dancing in a group is NOT my cuppa. the first time i decided to try it was while i was in National Service! WoOt~! amazing experience!

not much difference but sumhow, freshie dance performance isnt as appealing as it is in NS... hehe~ maybe i loved the makeup and costume bits alot! hehe! and the two sweeties i got as dance buddies! awww~ orite, i'll snap back to the future~

I FINALLY GOT RID OF ONE OUTTA TWO CUPBOARDS!
# more space in my room
# am considering to get either two beanie bags or a sofa~
# got rid of lotsa 'i-cant-blieve-i-bought-it' and 'so-yesterday' clothes!

but... my room is a lil bare now.... i'm a simple person. hardly ever complicated. yet i miss my messy and cramp room. maybe i should get a new computer...or is a computer already sumthing of the past? no longer a must have? laptops... sumhow look retarded la... hahah! its like comparing a pineapple to an apple. am i making my point? haha! doubt it~

pirates 3 = pow wow...

2007-05-25T07:55:00.000-07:00

got up pretty late so i..... "ARGH! DAMN! MOVE! DRESS UP! AHHHH!" ... rushed to college and ALLL the way, my group leader and Tyler kept sms-ing and calling me. "where r u? r u coming? ok~ see u soon. u drive until where ar? how long more?"

most of us wore black or white... not that it helped the group leader to identify or spot us from afar. but it was reli fun getting to know a senior in particular - Micheal. he looks like korean! or a jap! hahaha! for d past week, we've talked and all but i didnt catch his name. so, the seniors were teaching us, juniors to take a bus downtown and i took the opportunity and asked, "so wad do i call u?" and i really dunno why he says i look like JoJo?! *scratches head* not the singer but his fren which i also know... i seriously dun think there is ANY resemblance la! hahah! JoJo 2 , so he calls me.

watched Pirates of The Carribean 3! i was like sooo excited to watch it. maybe it was because my hopes were too high, i was sadly let down/dissappointed. first off, it was a bit too long winded, i actually dozed off for a while! my first tiem doing that in ANY movie! and the ending was really just...horri..no, it was just! so potong steam la! if it werent for Johnny Depp, i think the movie wud've stunk~! Chow Yun Fatt's appearance in the movie was a good one. but i wonder why they made him seem so ... stupid?

after the movie, chit chatted with college mates *not about the movie! ohmigosh!* about monday classes and dance practice. we split up to do our own things, and i found myself trying to find sumthing , or rather ANYTHING to buy. hahaha! gave up after noticing it still not the new stock, i popped over at Starbucks. greeted and taken orders from, i sat down with my brunch - choc brownie and java chip frap! wooots! heavenly... Jazil joined me for conversations. great conversationalist. but am rather regretful after that,of having serious talk. made me even more emo. thats just typical me - knowingly self-destruct.
had fun talking with Jazil Michelle and Zaidi :) absolutely cheered me up. took some random pics.. lazy to upload now. but will do...soon...i promise! really! hahah! i will la~

i thought - waiting for my oppointment with mom at five would be reli fast.three hours to wait? no biggie... turned out to be an eternity! at six thirty, only did she turn up! gah... if she didnt bring Mandy, i might have just been downright cold to her.i joined her at Secret Recipe and got a grapetizer and walk back to Starbucks. sounds sad doesnt it? *sobz* but i had fun and was worth it lar. y sit with sumone who makes u boil rather than one who cheers u up... right? r...ight? i hav a tingling feeling... like i'm not that right...but i think i'm right... gah...

beach invasion

2007-05-23T07:13:00.000-07:00

darn! after more than two month of me trying my utmost best to turn back into my original yellow skin tone, i'm now back to square one! i'm TANNED once again. just like when i was in PLKN! argh!

i actually took the initiative to pile on moisturizers the night before, took a morning shower, pile another layer of moisturizer then added a layer of sunblock just before leaving for college. after getting there, we played a few games in the hall while waiting for time to pass. the consequences of losing a game? spelling the name of ur group with ur butt. lame but hilarious... had an unofficial race of the school busses to the beach. we won! hehhe! wad great future leaders we would make, dont u think? not much emphasise on road safety... hehe!

played captain ball allll day.wad an orientation this is....i was wearing my shades while playing and it proved to be kinda useful! haha! no sand in eye, no harmful rays and thank u, play up the beach look. not that the locals dun do that. hehe~

darn! i'm back to chocolate...

the cost of having fun at the beach with my new friends from college but painful sun burns? = priceless. totally worth it.

christy,me,olivia,ying

do,re,mi~ heheheh!

the guys in my group,Aries - onn,shiuan,vun,leonard,alex
wing and Tyler (clockwise)

startin 21st may!

2007-05-22T07:25:00.000-07:00

i pictured akward conversations, rather lonely lunch and muttered goodbyes after hours in college. but it turned out just fine. the first day itself was pretty amazing, made plenty of friends and heck, got a ride home!heheh

like i've sed a gazilion times before, NEVER judge a book by its cover. it seems like its my worst habit ever!GAH! i cant seem to learn from it! i keep forgetting to not judge looks!

so there was this guy, who looked sooo tan, i thot he was the locals-> senor kadazan but turned out he was a TOTAL chinese. the whole group introduced themselves in chinese but i broke it by speaking english. then continued by others, aslo in chinese but broken again by this fello who spoke fluent english! THANK U GOD!*insert halleluiah sound effects* i found a friend!

of course i made other friends as well but none who felt comfortable conversing in english. hmm... met a few of my old skewlmates back in primary skewl~ am already getting tired of thinking wad to wear fer the next day of college. can u believe that!? after how many years of fantasizing this freedom while in high skewl! gosh, i'm just sooo hard to please. *shakes head disappointedly*

tomoro, off to the beach for some fun under the sun with other freshies of TARCollege. as the seniors stated : "... no bikinis or jewelry. please wear approriately." hahah! most of the guys groaned in disappointment.

just now, i took the bus fer the first time from my college, which is super duper far away, to the city. then i popped over at Starbucks for my coffee fix and was greeted by o work-buddies, Zaidi and Talissa there.i chatted with Zaidi pretty long over the counter as it was low peak hour. looooove coffeeeee! so i get my high from coffee and others by cigs? *jumps up n down with gleee*

and i got new lala shoes! ohmygosh! i'm turning into one of THEM! darn! wad do i do with them now!? bleurgh, who cares.

retail therapy works. for everyone!

2007-05-16T08:53:00.000-07:00

Baked more than sixty muffins in two days! *GASPS!* "how'd ya do that?!"

Cant stop smilling over this lifetime achievement. Honestly, I’m not a greenfiger – I’m a yellowfinger. Any plant just tends to wither and die under my care, no matter how much fertilizers I give, right soil I provide or how frequently I water it. And I seriously cant bake. I tried baking a pandan cake absed on my mom’s old recipe book, it came out as a green meteor-rock. I made brownies outta ready-made-mixture box and it came out as black as soot. Haha! So making DELICIOUSLY EDIBLE, LIGHTLY SPRINKLED AND CHOCOLATE FILLED MUFFINS is phenomenal. But it wouldn’t be achieved without the help of…..the NEW Panasonic Automatic Mixer! Just kidding! Its my darling sister, Mandy!

*EXCLUSIVE* In Charlotte’s progress in retail-therapy : I bought two pairs of shoes, a red chunky ring with curious squiggles on top, an orange Adidas bag, two more Tshirts from Seed and an IL DIVO cd! muahahaha! I got a converse-lookalike black glittery-sequinned shoe from Vincci, a turquoise high heel from Nose! Sooo happy lar. Too bad I didn’t get a coffee and cake fix. *screeches : STARBUCKSSS!* Really need it. Mandy too but, she’s controlling it pretty well. "dun do it charlotte! we shouldnt! we wont stop! just walk away... good...wanna turn around? ...nah..no...walk straight ahead...good girl."

OH! HAPPY MOTHERS DAY! WOOOOT! give yer mama's a hug! Woke up at six and off to driving lessons with Lucy at 6.30am till 9am. so early right!? wad a way to start May 13th! anyway, gave my driving instructor, Lucy a big hug and sed THX,fer wasting two precious hours on me! Got back home and served fresh whip-cream on Muffins to mom. Gave her a pretty bouquet of flowers from Jari-Jari florist shop. Its so pretty lar! Sunflowers and pink daisies with ferns! Then went to Secret Recipe fer lunch, shoppingfrenzy and does-ur-tummy-good Tu Long restaurant fer dinner. Amoizeng dai ~ heehhehe! lotsa luv~ OH! I GOT A HAIR CUT! just lovely i tell u~ heheheh!

chickens come to mind

2007-05-12T06:41:00.000-07:00

I cant believe it! Wahahah! Freedom! Just a few more days away…. Heheheheh! Freedom is… 1) no more 9 to 5 accounting job with dad! 2)college starting in a week! 3)getting driving license soon! 4)with all the above, I might be a step closer to frrreeedooom from parents!

I’m pretty sure I’m quite independent in character. I hate relying on someone else in ANYTHING but religion. I do indulge on multiple emo+depressed talks wit Ben and Georgine. Sigh…Bliss* sanity retained.

Argh! Not the point! To me, I crave independence from my tyrannical parents. I love them to bits and smithereens but oh please, dunt keep me drowning under ur thumbs forever! I’m so desperate to achieve freedom, I actually feel emotionally drained and a lil too obsessed over it.

in another matter, Its an instant …wads the opposite of upgrade? Downgrade? Really? Fine~ to let me drive a proton wira… I dunno. Not that I’m VERY materialistic(as compared to many others), its just that… WTF!? My eldest sister gets a Honda? Mandy gets the Mercedez and I get a Proton!? * beeeeeeeep! *

should I be a chicken right now, I would describe myself like this = feathers ruffled. Head poised for attack. wings akimbo. And heck, I’ll crow as loud as I blardy can. But chickens are hardly terrifying. And that’s whad I reli picture anyone who is in shock or rather, flabbergasted.